BEHOLD....

No this isn't some picture I got off the internet. The is in fact the office in which I work. Let me just point out that where each chair is, there is an immediate wall behind it. It's a one-person office with two people jammed in. Lovely. And don't even think about, "oh there must be a better way to situate the desks." Been there done that, and sadly this IS the best way. My desk is on the right. If you look closely, you can see my Scioscia bobble head. And if you look even closer, you'll notice my coworkers GAY dodger helmet on top of her monitor. I'm soooo tempted to just give it a good flick....

So now you can see how one might get super dang annoyed by the constant smacking of the gum. By the way, I thought I was being clever today, but was apparently a little too vague. She was smacking her gum, as usual, and since my monitor is stratigically placed to block my view of her, I can pretend to not know what she's eating, so I asked naively, "oh, what are you eating?" To which she said, "nothing. I just have some gum." I thought that it was pretty clear that it was so loud maybe you should shut your mouth! But she didn't take the hint. So next time I'm going to have to just spell it out. I don't know why I haven't yet. I guess I just have a hunch that it will piss her off... which I admit would make me feel good--vindicated really. But the fact remains, I share a tiny office with her and it would get really awkward. Anyway, I'm pretty close to not caring these days. I'll post if I ever gather the balls to do it. The thing is, "any week" now, which we've heard for about a month, we're supposed to relocate into separate cubicles. Holy will be THAT day. So I've been trying to keep cool, but my nerves are wearing thin...

How about... I don't think so, stupid!

So I could write a book about the annoying lady I share an office with (by the way, pictures to come showing just how small the office we share is) but it would take me way too long, so I pick and choose my stories. (names changed to protect the innocent) Here's one for the books:
Last Friday (a payday for us) we had an audit that required all employees to present ID to pick up their checks. So today, an employee approaches my office coworker for his check. She checks his ID and begins flipping through the checks. Coming up empty she asks, "you're last name is Jones, right?" To which he replies, "no, it's Walker." (right, not eeeeven close and by now she should know these peoples names). Laughing at herself she says, "and I just checked your ID." The gentleman lets out a chuckle, all while I roll my eyes. But that's not the point of my story, as good as that story is. After stating 'and I just checked your ID', she then proceeds to say, "that's how good we are here." I'm sorry, did you just say WE???????????????!! It took all my energy to bite my tongue. How about.. I don't think so, STUPID!!!!!!! lakkej#@jld%*&ald!!!!

What a Skeezy Beast!!

First of all, I'll never understand (even if I wasn't mormon) why any girl would want to wear a skirt that seriously barely covers her butt checks due it's shortness in length. It would be annoying to be constantly conscious of keeping your goodies out of everyone's view. But then I guess those type of girls like their goodies out there for all to see. That must be it. They may as well be ringing a dinner bell with that easy access.
Case and Point: Nate and I had the luxury of having one of these skanks sitting behind us at the Angel game Wednesday, slightly to the right of Nate. One wrong turn of his head would have been fatal (due the beating that would have been initiated by me). Thank goodness he has manners.
So the skank leaves with her friend and then return a short while later. They proceed to walk down our isle, and then to my disgust, hop on the seat that's two seats over from me and climb up to their seats. And the skank was coming toward us at an angle because they were sitting on the other side of Nate, so she went all SPREAD EAGLE on us. Holy friggin CRAP!! She just put us on BLAST with her spread eagle! Thank goodness Nate was focused on the game. I was almost in shock at how blatant she was about what she did. I was like, "what kind of frickin skeezy beast does that??" Nasty whore, that's who. I was two seconds away from ramming her friggin crotch with my water bottle. Seriously, who just spreads eagle like that?? I could have killed her for putting my husband in a situation where he could have turned his head at the wrong moment, not wanting to see that any more than i did, and then she probably would have been thinking, "oh yeah baby, see what you're missing out on. You totally want me." Cause you know that skeezy beast was looking for some sort of reaction from him. I was totally peeved.
And then her and her lame friend kept trying to get people to cheer, and nobody would and the whore said, "geeze, what a bunch of boring fans."
I was really close to saying,"I guess we're all still trying to swallow the vomit in our mouths after seeing your rotten cheese from the lack of skirt you're wearing." I bit my tongue though. There were children around.

Butterface

You've heard the saying....she's a "butterface (but her face)... meaning everything else looks good but her face. So I was catching up on the latest gossip at USMagazine's website which had this picture posted asking for you to vote which one was the hottest. Phelps is by far the least attractive (and thank goodness his grill ain't showin'). The guy on the right looks gay and I'm not big on the whole jungle fever thing anyway. Which brings me to the guy on the left. He's pretty good looking I guess. Maybe it would be easier to judge if he weren't right next to Phelps. But what the heck is up with the skull necklace???

Nachos Please

When I go to an Angels game, my favorite thing to get are the nachos. LOVE THEM!!! $5 bucks for about the portion you see pictured, which is filling, but kinda pricey. To be expected at a ball park. So before the game we went to Monday, I took matters into my own hands...

I went to the store and bought a can of my very own nacho cheese for $7 bucks! Now you might be thinking that's alot to pay for a thing of nacho cheese, but picture about a gallon worth and then you'll realize the bargain here!! It turns out they only sell the ginormous size cans of it, and I'm okay with that. And I shoud point out that it's only 7 grams of fat per quarter cup. So I am not feeling guilty for indulging at all.

So now I have a huge tupperware in the fridge full of nacho cheese and our RS had this summer picnic thing the other night that was potluck, so I of course bust out the delicious nacho cheese.

It wasn't an enrichment activity, but a thing this one lady hosts in her backyard every summer. So the host is at the food table and i'm standing there loading my plate with my friend Jessica, when the host throws out there, "wow, who brought all that cheese?" trying to sound curious, but probably more disgusted. Mind you her sign up sheet on Sunday was labeled "healthy sidedishes" and I'm thinking, hello, only 7 grams of fat per quarter cup!. Geeze lady, just trying to share the wealth, you're welcome.

So without missing a beat I owned up to the cheese and told the fun story of how it came about. She didn't seem any more pleased than before, not that I cared, it makes for a great story.

And here's a little irony for you... Considering the likelihood of her being a bit disgusted with the cheese from her comment, I found the main dish she provided a bit counterproductive... hot dogs. I don't know if you can get any more unhealthier than that. So excuse me for trying to make things a little more healthy at the picnic. lolllll