September 26, 2008

Pay Day

If you didn't already know, I work in payroll. And on pay day's, we're a little old school here and actually hand deliver everyone's paycheck. How nice, I know. Maybe you're fortunate to have this nice face to face contact with your payroll rep, so let me just point out some annoyances you may want to avoid.
For whatever reason, every pay day I'm guarenteed to have at least ONE employee say one of the following things to me:

"Oh, my name is 'so and so' (the name of an executive)." First of all, I know everyone's name so don't do me the injustice by trying to play me for a retard. Second, I would be an IDIOT if I didn't know who the executives are to which even if I didn't know your name (measly no name employee not important enough to remember) I sure as heck know it's not the name of the executive you just named. And just know that even though I give you a good convincing giggle, I'm giggling at the funny names I'm calling you in my head and not your lame joke that I've heard about a gazillion times.

"How about next time you add a few zeros to my check." To which I usually reply, "No prob. I'll be sure to add it after the decimal." I don't mind this question so much since I'm able to deliver my line and make my getaway while they're still figuring out what I just said. But still, it gets old, so don't bother asking.

"Oooh, it's my favorite person." You don't gotta lie to kick it. I'm paid to pay you so there's no need to patronize me.


Chelsea and Brandon said...

That's so funny, I always hear people saying that exact same stuff when our payroll girl hands out the checks. People think they are so creative in coming up with funny things to say, but it's the same thing everyone else is saying at every other office.

Jessica Martiele said...

MB, you're one of the funniest people on the planet. You know that, right? Seriously. Not patronizing here. You should work out a stand up routine. I'd pay money to listen.

Fabulous. That's all I've got to say. Primarily because Chelsea just said it all...I heard all the same things being said to our payroll person too.