Cat in the Bag

You should know before reading this post that this is in fact a TRUE story. I couldn't have made up an uproariously funnier story if I tried. And if you know my mom, it's even funnier because I swear she constantly has the funniest things happen to her. I hope this post does it justice. Telling it in person is sooo much funnier.
My mom has a friend who, for whatever reason, feels it is her sole responsibility to give road kill animals a proper burial. Are you as creeped out as I am?? At least you'll probably never be in a car with her. My mom, however, isn't quite so lucky.
So my mom is riding along with her friend on their way to do some shopping when they come across a dead cat in the road. And you can bet her friend wasn't for any reason going to pass up that cat. After all, it needs a proper burial, right?? Eww. All they had was an empty Nordstrom bag, so that's where the dead cat is put and then placed in the trunk of the car.
So they continue on with their day and finish their shopping. They come to their car and pop open the trunk to put their shopping bags in. They pull out the infamous Nordstrom bag to load the other bags into the trunk when out of nowhere, this guys comes running by, and SNATCHES the Nordstrom bag for my mom's friend. They both stand there in disbelief of what the heck just happened. Boy is that guy going to be in for a surprise! lol!!! Okay, so I could end the story there with a good laugh, but that is not where the story ends...
Only minutes pass, and while still in shock of what just happened, my mom and her friend watch as the man continues to run off....... when out of nowhere..... he gets hit by a friggin CAR!!! No Joke, my friends. If you don't believe in Karma, take notes on what just occured. But wait, it gets even better...
So the ambulance shows up. The paramedics load him onto the gurny and as they are loading him into the ambulance, a bystander notices the Nordstrom bag and figuring it must belong to the guy getting loaded into the ambulance, calls out to the paramedic, "hey, I think this belongs to him." He hands it to the paramedic who then places it on the man on the gurny. And then they take him away. I wish I could see the look on that guys face when he opens that bag. LOL. Jokes on you pal.
I personally don't think that's where the story ends. To my knowledge, when someone is admitted to a hospital, all their belongings are placed into a clear bag. I would bet that guy would have some serious explaining to do!

Broke the Bank

So we finally caved and broke the bank. That's right people. We finally bought Nathan a cell phone. What can I say, when we first got married, we were about as poor as every other mormon newly wed. It's been almost 5 years since he's had one and I've only had mine for two. Most of the time we're together anyway so a second phone seemed pointless. We realized though that for an extra $10 a month on top of what we're paying for my phone and our home phone, we could disconnect the home phone and get Nathan a cell. So why the heck not.
We also finally got cable a few months ago. We had some pretty awesome bunny ears going on for a loooong time. But hey, we've had the internet since day one practically so we weren't totally living in the stone age.

Road Rage

Aubry is my 2 1/2 year old niece who is the funniest little girl I've ever met. She talks very well for her age and can easily hold a full on conversation with you with little effort on your part. So anyway, my mom (her grandma) and my sis-n-law (Aubry's mom) were running some errands at a store. Aubry was sitting in a push cart when a lady evidently got a little too close to her cart which led Aubry to exclaim, "Watch it lady! Don't you know how to drive??!" If only I could have been there. That's something she so totally picked up from grandma. Grandma's apparently got a bit of a road rage problem. lol!!!

Public Service Announcement

Okay, before you read, this is in the strictest confidence because my hubs told me not to blab it to people, but sometimes things happen where the marriage confidentiality clause is completely null because I felt the public could benefit from knowing about the events that have taken place. I should also add that these offenses have never diminished my love for my husband or my perception of the wonderful man that he truly is. Here are the offenses, which actually occurred years apart from each other.

So there I am, half asleep minding my own business, when I suddenly felt something tap my face. It was big enough to wake me up and I said to my hubs, "I think something hit my face." I was a little freaked out because of bugs and spiders, etc. He was like "are you serious?" "Uh, yeah I'm serious." While trying to stiffle his laugh he says, "I just flicked a bugar." OH, MY, GOSH. I'm not quite yelling, but clearly aggitated at his admission. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????? IT'S ONE THING TO PICK YOUR NOSE AND FLICK (which I don't really care, hey I'll admit it too, I'm a nose picking flicker so whatever okay) BUT WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU FLICK IT MY WAY??" Gross.

PSA #1 - If you're gonna pick and flick, please make sure to flick in a direction opposite of anyone around you.

Next offense. I have this cute little plastic cup I like to use for my water with the disney princess's on it. Sometimes I leave it on the side table next to our couch. So anyway, I filled it up with water and after taking a few drinks I noticed some residue at the bottom of the cup that almost looked like mold. ew. "Honey, I think there's some mold in my cup." "Let me see," hubs replied. After inspecting he declared, "that's not mold." I could hear the laugh forming within him and I was like "What Is It Then?" "It's a bugar," he admitted bursting into laughter, "I didn't have anywhere else to put it." Too lazy to get up off the couch and get a tissue and evidentally just too messy or big or both to just roll and flick. He's not trying to pull pranks on me, he just doesn't think things through sometimes. He thought he'd remember to wash my cup before I had a chance to notice. He forgot, to my dismay.

PSA #2 - If you strike gold in your friggin nose, do us all a favor and get a tissue. Don't be lazy!

EVERYONE JUST CALM DOWN PLEASE

So the other day I needed to go pick up a package at Fedex after they left me one of those door tags. So I get there and get in line. There's maybe 6 of us waiting patiently. There's two fedex employees behind the counter and one anounces to those of us waiting in line that we can hand in our door tags so she can go into the back to retrieve our packages. Not even a minute after, the other lady announces, almost shouting, "Okay people. Now I wouldn't recommend you all turning in your door tag all at once and to just remain in line. I don't want anyone to get upset when someone that was in line behind you gets their package before you." I WISH someone I know could have been there to hear her. Words cannot describe the hilarity of it. She was seriously practically shouting. To me it was as if she was saying "EVERYONE JUST CALM DOWN PLEASE" as if people were screaming at her. It was sooooo funny. There were SIX of us. I mean, c'mon, so I wait what, another 5 minutes? Clearly it's been an issue before. I would imagine it's more convenient for the employee fetching the packages to just go get them all at once. But dang, when they get back they won't be able to remember who was first in line thus creating pissed off customers. Maybe I'm a genius, but if it's really an issue and you want to be more efficient in retrieving packages, why not take the door tags one at a time and number them? Problem solved.

ATT vs. Verizon

We've all seen those Verizon commercials...can you hear me now?? Okay, so we have verizon cell phones and ATT for our cable. The cable guy came over yesterday to work on our cable and his cell phone rang. He must have been having a hard time with the connection because he proceeded to go outside, and once out there he asked (no joke) "can you hear me now?". When he came back in he asked if we ever have trouble with reception in the house to which we replied, "no, not ever actually." He then asked what provider we have and we told him. We didn't even bother asking who his was. But venturing a guess under the assumption that he has a company cell phone, I'm going to guess ATT. Me and the hubs were dying of laughter after he left. It was like a Verizon commercial unfolding right before our eyes. I was just waiting for that verizon guy to pop out of somewhere and expose the masses of people that would normally be standing behind us, referred to as our verizon network. lol