Soooo Meaty!

If you watch The Soup on E!, you'll get that headline. While sitting at a red light one morning, a delivery truck passed by branded with the company it represented. It read, "Gaylord Meats". I couldn't help but laugh. Would you buy meats from this family owned business? LOL!! So of course I googled them and found this little gem on their site. Seriously. I can't make this stuff up...

"New this year: Our own link sausage, Sweet Maple or Hot Italian!"

Um, I'll take the Hot Italian. Thanks.

Is that a sock in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

Um... yes, that is a sock in my pants. One glorious morning, I got up for work, got ready, drove to work, arrived at work, you get the picture. So maybe about 30 minutes after arriving at work I was walking to get water and seriously out of no where felt a bulge in my crotch, near the rear if you care to know. Didn't feel it all morning. Not once. It was like something had traveled up my leg because it seemed completely out of nowhere. I reached around back to feel around the exterior, and patted said bulge, and I do mean BULGE, and was like, WHAT THE??? So I made bee line to the bathroom to investigate. I reached in my pants and pulled out a humongoid sock. My husband's sock. The sock he's been missing for days. My favorite part was calling him and letting him know I found his sock.

New Blog...

Check it out. I will probably take it private soon. But for now, there's nothing really there, just wanted to share the link. :)

http://atthenewsons.blogspot.com/

Simma Down Now!!

Seriously people. Sometimes I just want to shout "simma down now!", SNL emphasis and all, from my car loud enough for the idiots that I encounter to hear that need to simma.

We were in San Diego last weekend and apparently they have fancier on-ramp meters than the IE and OC. Instead of a red and green light system, they have red, yellow, and green with a tiny sign underneath that you can't read until you're right next to it, that indicates two cars can go at a time instead of one. So there's one car in front of us and one behind us as we all stop at the first red light meter. We've yet to read the sign to learn of the local protocol. The car in front goes on the green, we inch forward and stop on yellow, notice the sign and shrug. Nate can see in his rearview mirror the guy behind us going all nuts-o over the fact that we stopped at the yellow. Couldn't quite make out what he was saying since it's hard to read the lips of a crazy person, but he was waving his hand like a maniac with two fingers held up. Since we'd seen the sign by now, we figured he was indicating we were car #2... like it mattered now.
But the hysterical part is that he was so worked up about it. Even if we had gone with the first car, he still would have had to wait for the second round of lights. He just went as the second car instead of the first car. Confused? I'll just let you all think about it since it's not worth explaining. Just know it was hilarious.

I CAN SEE!! Nope, I was wrong.

Anyone see the movie "Men in Tights"? If not, the heading means nothing to you. If so, then continue laughing you're head off, I'll wait...
All kidding aside, anyone ever notice the ironic things they sometimes print brail on? Like the drive-thru ATM... would a blind person really be using a drive-thru? Granted I'm sure ATM's are just mass produced, some of which end up in a drive-thru, and some that are probably more accessible for someone that is blind, but the thought is still funny. But I recently encountered brail on an item that left me scratching my head. I was in a ladies restroom when I noticed the changing table had instructions in brail.

You would have to be one seriously confident woman to blindly change a baby's diaper... especially a poopie one.

The Circle of Life

When we moved to Corona, the first couple months I rode the train to work. The station is about a mile from work so from there I catch the bus, from the bus stop I walk a few blocks. I share all of that with you so you know why I was walking in the first place. haha. Along my short walk, there are several businesses and stores along a busy street. I share that with you because you should know I don't work out in the sticks where nature is abundant. One day, while walking, I could see on the ground up ahead in front of one of the stores, a bird. Not out of the ordinary, but the closer I got I could see lots of little white feathers surrounding this dark colored bird. Didn't make sense at first until I got close enough to see what the bird was doing. That bird turned out to be a hawk. A hawk that was pecking the life out of what I think used to be a white dove. I'm not the biggest fan of National Geographic, and that day I remembered why. RIP little birdie.

BestBuy....or best blunder

So I saw a commercial the other day for a promotion BestBuy is doing in connection to the new movie, Despicable Me. You can download a special ap to translate what the funny little minions are saying during the movie.

Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't there clever messages in the beginning of all movies explicitly telling movie-goers "no phone calls or text messages" during the movie? Nobody wants someone elses cell phone blaring in their face during a movie. So who the heck thought it would be a good idea to run this little promo? Maybe I'm missing something.

Thanks for nothing.

The company I work for recently decided to install a nice flatscreen TV in the breakroom. They also decided we would only be able to watch the Fox News channel, in subtitles, with no volume. Reading while trying to watch TV is like working while I'm on my break.

Thanks for nothing.

Thanks for pointing that out.

Please note the title of this post should be read with some serious sarcasm. But those of you familiar with my blog, probably wouldn't have read it any other way. Yesterday I had one of those, "did that really just happen?" moments that left me scratchin' my head.

It's Sunday, I'm at church waiting for services to begin, sitting on the edge of the pew when an elderly woman I know approaches me and casually asks, "Do you have any children?" I reply, "Nope." She then quickly touches my face just below my right eye and says, "then what's keeping you up all night?"

Oh my freakin goodness. Did that just really happen? Thanks for pointing out that I practically have black eyes. I happen to get plenty of sleep. But to her point, I have always had dark circles under my eyes, an unfortunate result of thin skin and lots of purpley blue viens. And I don't like to wear foundation makeup so I just roll with it. But I definately don't need anyone to point out my flaws. Maybe I should have retorted, "hey, have you been laying out in the sun all week? You haven't? Then what's the deal with all those wrinkles?"

bahahaa

Get the 411 on 411

Guess what people? We're in the digital age. I realize some of you may be thinking, "DUH", but I can tell you that there are those that either haven't realized it yet, or are just incredibly stupid... *Ah-hem*...I mean, stubborn. So what's the deal with 411?? If you'll recall, way back in the day, before internet, 411 was a service you pay for to get a phone # for a place or person. So if you didn't have a phone book handy, this was a convenient alternative. But with the internet, and how widely available it is, why is 411 still being utilized? Why would anybody in their right mind choose to PAY for a service over the convenience of the internet. I'll tell you who... idiots. You heard me right! They're idiots! Case in point:

My husband relayed a story to me the other day that goes like this (mind you I'll be writing as though I'm him speaking).



So I'm sitting at my desk when I overhear the lady next to me, "Can I please get the number for 'such-n-such' company? They're located in Los Angeles. Huh? Are you sure? There isn't a listing for that company there? That's weird. Okay, thanks." Yeah, that's how her conversation went. All while she sat conveniently at her desk... in front of her working computer, with installed FREE internet. Mind boggling. The best part was while she was busy being confused on the phone for a place that apparently had no listing, I managed to google it in a matter of seconds.

BAHAHAHAHAA

When in Doubt...Paper, Rock, Scissors!

Have you ever been in a situation where you're not sure who is right, or who goes first, or who really cut the cheese? Well, your solution is literally just a Paper, Rock, or Scissor (or PRS)away! Ture story on how easy it is to incorporate it into daily life...

We recently graced the local Mickie D's with our presence and upon finishing our meal, the hubs decided he wanted one of their delicious $1 sundaes. He walks up to get in line only to arrive at THE EXACT SAME TIME as another patron. *gasp* Thank goodness this patron was well versed in the art of PRS and instantly threw down a fist to initiate the first of three rounds. My hubs won, (cause I didn't marry no loser), but even if he hadn't, thanks to an instinctive PRS'er, crisis was averted.

Don't feel like doing that project at work? PRS your boss.
Didn't get that A you deserve on your final? PRS you teacher.
Don't feel like waiting in line at D-land? PRS the person in the front of the line.
Don't wanna cook dinner? PRS your spouse.

The possibilities are endless.

Did that really just happen?

People cease to amaze me. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good... which make for better stories.


So Nate and I are cruising the Disneyland parking lot and zero in on a spot. We park, and as we start to open our doors we hear some lady shout, "you couldn't wait for me to pull out first!? geeze!" As I'm sitting in the car, I look over my shoulder through the back window to see what the heck is going on out there and see some van chillin right behind us. Then it took off. I turned to Nate baffled, "was she just yelling at us?" And he replied, "yeah, I think so." We were both laughing at her craziness. I'm guessing she was apparently pulling out as we were passing her down the aisle and CLEARLY she thought she had the right of way and was peeved that she had to wait, oh... what, an extra 20 seconds to pull out? Boo friggin Hoo lady! Not to mention you just wasted another 30 seconds of your precious day screaming at people. Now, I'm not sure where the heck you are from, but here in California, people don't just wait for you to pull out. If I'm driving down the street where you live and you pull out of your driveway, are you going to expect me to stop in the middle of the road so you can finish? I don't think so lady.
I guess the happiest place on earth sometimes unearths the crappiest people on earth.