My Ridonkulous Blog

Soooo Meaty!

2011-09-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

If you watch The Soup on E!, you'll get that headline. While sitting at a red light one morning, a delivery truck passed by branded with the company it represented. It read, "Gaylord Meats". I couldn't help but laugh. Would you buy meats from this family owned business? LOL!! So of course I googled them and found this little gem on their site. Seriously. I can't make this stuff up...

"New this year: Our own link sausage, Sweet Maple or Hot Italian!"

Um, I'll take the Hot Italian. Thanks.

Is that a sock in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

2011-09-16T08:47:00.000-07:00

Um... yes, that is a sock in my pants. One glorious morning, I got up for work, got ready, drove to work, arrived at work, you get the picture. So maybe about 30 minutes after arriving at work I was walking to get water and seriously out of no where felt a bulge in my crotch, near the rear if you care to know. Didn't feel it all morning. Not once. It was like something had traveled up my leg because it seemed completely out of nowhere. I reached around back to feel around the exterior, and patted said bulge, and I do mean BULGE, and was like, WHAT THE??? So I made bee line to the bathroom to investigate. I reached in my pants and pulled out a humongoid sock. My husband's sock. The sock he's been missing for days. My favorite part was calling him and letting him know I found his sock.

New Blog...

2011-02-28T09:06:00.000-08:00

Check it out. I will probably take it private soon. But for now, there's nothing really there, just wanted to share the link. :)

http://atthenewsons.blogspot.com/

Simma Down Now!!

2011-01-31T15:33:00.000-08:00

Seriously people. Sometimes I just want to shout "simma down now!", SNL emphasis and all, from my car loud enough for the idiots that I encounter to hear that need to simma.

We were in San Diego last weekend and apparently they have fancier on-ramp meters than the IE and OC. Instead of a red and green light system, they have red, yellow, and green with a tiny sign underneath that you can't read until you're right next to it, that indicates two cars can go at a time instead of one. So there's one car in front of us and one behind us as we all stop at the first red light meter. We've yet to read the sign to learn of the local protocol. The car in front goes on the green, we inch forward and stop on yellow, notice the sign and shrug. Nate can see in his rearview mirror the guy behind us going all nuts-o over the fact that we stopped at the yellow. Couldn't quite make out what he was saying since it's hard to read the lips of a crazy person, but he was waving his hand like a maniac with two fingers held up. Since we'd seen the sign by now, we figured he was indicating we were car #2... like it mattered now.
But the hysterical part is that he was so worked up about it. Even if we had gone with the first car, he still would have had to wait for the second round of lights. He just went as the second car instead of the first car. Confused? I'll just let you all think about it since it's not worth explaining. Just know it was hilarious.

I CAN SEE!! Nope, I was wrong.

2011-01-31T15:16:00.000-08:00

Anyone see the movie "Men in Tights"? If not, the heading means nothing to you. If so, then continue laughing you're head off, I'll wait...
All kidding aside, anyone ever notice the ironic things they sometimes print brail on? Like the drive-thru ATM... would a blind person really be using a drive-thru? Granted I'm sure ATM's are just mass produced, some of which end up in a drive-thru, and some that are probably more accessible for someone that is blind, but the thought is still funny. But I recently encountered brail on an item that left me scratching my head. I was in a ladies restroom when I noticed the changing table had instructions in brail.

You would have to be one seriously confident woman to blindly change a baby's diaper... especially a poopie one.

The Circle of Life

2010-10-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

When we moved to Corona, the first couple months I rode the train to work. The station is about a mile from work so from there I catch the bus, from the bus stop I walk a few blocks. I share all of that with you so you know why I was walking in the first place. haha. Along my short walk, there are several businesses and stores along a busy street. I share that with you because you should know I don't work out in the sticks where nature is abundant. One day, while walking, I could see on the ground up ahead in front of one of the stores, a bird. Not out of the ordinary, but the closer I got I could see lots of little white feathers surrounding this dark colored bird. Didn't make sense at first until I got close enough to see what the bird was doing. That bird turned out to be a hawk. A hawk that was pecking the life out of what I think used to be a white dove. I'm not the biggest fan of National Geographic, and that day I remembered why. RIP little birdie.

BestBuy....or best blunder

2010-07-21T12:53:00.001-07:00

So I saw a commercial the other day for a promotion BestBuy is doing in connection to the new movie, Despicable Me. You can download a special ap to translate what the funny little minions are saying during the movie.

Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't there clever messages in the beginning of all movies explicitly telling movie-goers "no phone calls or text messages" during the movie? Nobody wants someone elses cell phone blaring in their face during a movie. So who the heck thought it would be a good idea to run this little promo? Maybe I'm missing something.

Thanks for nothing.

2010-07-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

The company I work for recently decided to install a nice flatscreen TV in the breakroom. They also decided we would only be able to watch the Fox News channel, in subtitles, with no volume. Reading while trying to watch TV is like working while I'm on my break.

Thanks for nothing.

Thanks for pointing that out.

2010-05-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

Please note the title of this post should be read with some serious sarcasm. But those of you familiar with my blog, probably wouldn't have read it any other way. Yesterday I had one of those, "did that really just happen?" moments that left me scratchin' my head.

It's Sunday, I'm at church waiting for services to begin, sitting on the edge of the pew when an elderly woman I know approaches me and casually asks, "Do you have any children?" I reply, "Nope." She then quickly touches my face just below my right eye and says, "then what's keeping you up all night?"

Oh my freakin goodness. Did that just really happen? Thanks for pointing out that I practically have black eyes. I happen to get plenty of sleep. But to her point, I have always had dark circles under my eyes, an unfortunate result of thin skin and lots of purpley blue viens. And I don't like to wear foundation makeup so I just roll with it. But I definately don't need anyone to point out my flaws. Maybe I should have retorted, "hey, have you been laying out in the sun all week? You haven't? Then what's the deal with all those wrinkles?"

bahahaa

Get the 411 on 411

2010-03-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

Guess what people? We're in the digital age. I realize some of you may be thinking, "DUH", but I can tell you that there are those that either haven't realized it yet, or are just incredibly stupid... *Ah-hem*...I mean, stubborn. So what's the deal with 411?? If you'll recall, way back in the day, before internet, 411 was a service you pay for to get a phone # for a place or person. So if you didn't have a phone book handy, this was a convenient alternative. But with the internet, and how widely available it is, why is 411 still being utilized? Why would anybody in their right mind choose to PAY for a service over the convenience of the internet. I'll tell you who... idiots. You heard me right! They're idiots! Case in point:

My husband relayed a story to me the other day that goes like this (mind you I'll be writing as though I'm him speaking).

So I'm sitting at my desk when I overhear the lady next to me, "Can I please get the number for 'such-n-such' company? They're located in Los Angeles. Huh? Are you sure? There isn't a listing for that company there? That's weird. Okay, thanks." Yeah, that's how her conversation went. All while she sat conveniently at her desk... in front of her working computer, with installed FREE internet. Mind boggling. The best part was while she was busy being confused on the phone for a place that apparently had no listing, I managed to google it in a matter of seconds.

BAHAHAHAHAA

When in Doubt...Paper, Rock, Scissors!

2010-03-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been in a situation where you're not sure who is right, or who goes first, or who really cut the cheese? Well, your solution is literally just a Paper, Rock, or Scissor (or PRS)away! Ture story on how easy it is to incorporate it into daily life...

We recently graced the local Mickie D's with our presence and upon finishing our meal, the hubs decided he wanted one of their delicious $1 sundaes. He walks up to get in line only to arrive at THE EXACT SAME TIME as another patron. *gasp* Thank goodness this patron was well versed in the art of PRS and instantly threw down a fist to initiate the first of three rounds. My hubs won, (cause I didn't marry no loser), but even if he hadn't, thanks to an instinctive PRS'er, crisis was averted.

Don't feel like doing that project at work? PRS your boss.
Didn't get that A you deserve on your final? PRS you teacher.
Don't feel like waiting in line at D-land? PRS the person in the front of the line.
Don't wanna cook dinner? PRS your spouse.

The possibilities are endless.

Did that really just happen?

2010-01-07T08:40:00.000-08:00

People cease to amaze me. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good... which make for better stories.

So Nate and I are cruising the Disneyland parking lot and zero in on a spot. We park, and as we start to open our doors we hear some lady shout, "you couldn't wait for me to pull out first!? geeze!" As I'm sitting in the car, I look over my shoulder through the back window to see what the heck is going on out there and see some van chillin right behind us. Then it took off. I turned to Nate baffled, "was she just yelling at us?" And he replied, "yeah, I think so." We were both laughing at her craziness. I'm guessing she was apparently pulling out as we were passing her down the aisle and CLEARLY she thought she had the right of way and was peeved that she had to wait, oh... what, an extra 20 seconds to pull out? Boo friggin Hoo lady! Not to mention you just wasted another 30 seconds of your precious day screaming at people. Now, I'm not sure where the heck you are from, but here in California, people don't just wait for you to pull out. If I'm driving down the street where you live and you pull out of your driveway, are you going to expect me to stop in the middle of the road so you can finish? I don't think so lady.
I guess the happiest place on earth sometimes unearths the crappiest people on earth.

Here's looking @ you!

2009-12-29T08:20:00.001-08:00

This post will only make sense if you're "with it", technically speaking. In particular, you facebook fiends....

Question... why do people put "@" in front of a persons name to whom they're addressing? For instance, on a Facebook post, several friends leave me a comment, and then I want to reply to one of those comments, so I begin my comment by addressing that person by name so everyone knows who I'm replying to. But I've noticed in these replies people don't just put the persons name, but feel the need to put an @ sign in front of it; like @Nate. Is that the new coolguy thing to do these days you crazy, hip kids? Cause as far as I know, you don't need an @ sign to clarify who the heck you're addressing. That's what their name is for. Which, by the way, you've already listed. I'm just sayin'...

Aaachoooooooooooooo!!!

2009-12-23T10:57:00.001-08:00

With the swine flu fears running ramped, there have been all kinds of ways to "prevent" the spread. We have a poster with this little guy on it at work. And I've heard from all over the place the "proper" way to cough or sneeze is to use your sleeve.
Tell me, how is this MORE sanitary? Anyone been doing this? At least if I sneeze in my hands I can immediately wash them, or at the very least follow up with some hand santizer I keep on hand. But your sleeve, assuming you're wearing long enough sleeves, your nastiness stays there all day. I'll be replacing hugs with air high fives. Not to mention, if you have skinny arms like mine, the bulk of your sneeze is absorbed by the sleeve, but there are plenty of leftovers flying around my little arm that couldn't contain the wrath. So how is this more sanitary?? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

WTF?!

2009-12-11T12:59:00.000-08:00

What the Freak?? I'll give you guys all a moment to digest the photo you are viewing...

Any verps??

Well, if you haven't figured it out by now, that is an ENORMOUS fat boogie on a shirt. And of course there's a story....

So I have an interview, to which I have been desperately shopping for a pant suit. I FINALLY found one at JCPenney (a light grey suit) and see the perfect shirt to go under it... yes, the one pictured here. You see, I have the WORST luck in the world when it comes to shopping for clothes. The suit was hard to find because I'm two different sizes on top and bottom and suits are mostly sold as a set. This shirt (did I mention it's the perfect shirt?), was the last one in my size. Naturally. Because that's my luck. I bring it up to a cashier to see if they maybe have another one somewhere in my size, which they didn't, and seeing the question on her face as to why I would ask, I point at the green nasty on the shirt to which she says, "Ohh...um, what is that?" She tried to sound coy but i was in no mood to beat around the bush. "Uh, I think it's a bugar." I matter-of-factly stated. So she grabbed a papertowel and the thing flicked right off in one quick brush of the papertowel, clearly indicating it's crustiness. Then she offered 10% off....So, I bought it. Yes, bugar and all. Did I mention I was desperate? don't judge me.

Dexter

2009-12-11T12:53:00.000-08:00

Recently my husband and I were in a bakery and the young girl working as the cashier says to my husband, "anyone ever tell you look just like the guy in Dexter?"
To which he retorted," so you're saying I look like a mass murderer?"

baahaahahahahahahahahaaa

Nyquil..."for a better tomorrow"

2009-12-11T12:38:00.000-08:00

Anyone seen the commercials for Nyquil lately? I've posted a link for your convenience. Call me crazy, but isn't that crap supposed to treat your symptoms so "you can rest better"? The guy seen here is snoring up a storm with his mouth hangin open which tells me he his nose never cleared up. Why would I pay for a product that basically doesn't deliver on symptom relief? The commercial seems to state, Nyquil: will cause you to pass out only to wake up with a severe dry mouth and a sinus headache from congestion... and if you have a spouse, don't expect to sleep since they'll be kicking you all night from your snoring.
Word on the street is if you're looking to pass out, a couple beers will land you the same zzzz's and you may even have some fun doing it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaNidmpcywk&feature=youtube_gdata

Breast feeding baby doll...

2009-11-13T15:22:00.000-08:00

Yes you read that right. Maybe I'm a bit too conservative, but this is ridiculous! Keep in mind the link I provided is from someones personal webpage so the information provided is actually mocking the product.

http://www.thingamababy.com/baby/2009/07/babyglutton.html

I'm sorry, but this toy is kinda creepy. I mean, it makes it's own sucking sounds for heavens sake! Really?
Here's the deal folks, there isn't a single woman I know that needed a doll to "teach" them their own bodies feed babies. Are you really going to sit your 3 year old down and explain they've got options in feeding their dolly? Options they probably aren't mature enough to fully understand anyway.
The most ridiculous part of it is the tank top that has the flowers over the boobs that trigger the baby noises. That could have some interesting ramifications down the road. LOL
Anyone seen the movie Now and Then?? There's a scene where a mom explains to her young daughter the birds and the bees and how "all girls have a flower and boys have a watering hose..." and the girl grows up obsessed with gardening. bahahhahahahaa

Thoughts anyone??

Softball Losers!!

2009-10-09T08:58:00.001-07:00

I normally don't post personal stuff on here, but I gotta vent a little. We play co-ed softball a couple nights a week, and have pretty good teams and usually make the playoffs and have won several times. On our Thursday night league, there's a particular team notorious for poor sportsmanship, in particular their pitcher. I never seen a bigger whiner/jerk in all my life. So of course we are the two teams to face off last night for 1st place. They show up with a team that is full of people we've never seen all season and they are STACKED! Meaning, they brought in some ringers in a pathetic attempt to win (picture huge guys and meaty chicks). So we asked the scorekeeper and umpire to check ID's to make sure they're all on the roster. Which of course they weren't and were forced to forfeit. HA - HA!! LOSERS!!
But that's not the point of the post. After that, they proceeded to taunt and yell explicits at our team for "chickening out", in particular the loser pitcher, who sucks anyway. BOO FREAKIN HOO LOSERS!! Really?? Cause we're just playing by the rules, not to mention that there are rules for a reason idiots. And if you were smart, you would have had them on your roster (you can actually have like 40 people on your roster for subbing, and you only play with 10). Anyway, it was pathetic and stupid. I couldn't believe how horrible they all were behaving. When Nate and I were getting in our car, the idiot pitcher, flanked by his wife and two young children, very loudly proclaimed for all to hear, "even the girls on that team are a bunch of b*tches." Really? Wow. Way to go guy. Or should I say, cool guy? Cause clearly you are a cool guy, right? Glad your kids were there to hear the way you display your excellent sportsmanship and affection for woman.

I'm glad my husband had the decency to hold his tongue and just get in the car, which took a lot of discipline after hearing some jerk pretty much just call your wife a b*tch.

Totally Inappropriate

2009-09-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

Both this post and what it's about is, well, inappropriate. Read on if you dare, but you've already seen the picture so you might as well read on...

We went on a cruise this last week, via the Carnival cruiseline. I don't want to bore you all with all the fun details of the trip, and this blog isn't about my personal affairs anyway. So this post is regarding the picture you see here. This is a picture of what adorned each and every door (with the exception of the cabin doors where you slept). To enter where you dined, shopped, or hung out... you had to "pull" open the door with this handle. Surely the person that designed this either has a sick sense of humor, or is a total perve... or both. Wouldn't you think during the approval process someone would have questioned installing something that looks strikingly similar to male genitalia? The added "pull" to each door only makes it more inappropriate, inadvertantly I'm sure since people need to know which way to open the door so they don't look like idiots "pushing" instead of "pulling". Reality is though, anyone opening a door ends up looking silly anyway by "handling" the door handle. Though it makes for a great story and a good laugh.

I kid you not, one night, one small room was closed off with a sign sitting right in front of the door handles that read, "Closed for a Private Party". bahahahahaahahaa... Really?? LOL Too bad I didn't have my camera on hand.

Those are some hands!

2009-09-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

As I was watching the news this morning, a story came on about a blind lady that got assaulted and robbed in her home. There are truly horrible people out there and this post is not an attempt to make light of what happened, but I can't help but find humor in things that go on around me. Here is what I found somewhat amusing about the brief broadcast. Right after the statement of what happened to this poor woman, they proceeded to give a very detailed description of the man who assaulted her, with no mention of other witnesses. Granted there could have been other people around, but then why wouldn't they have done something? So how did they get a description of the man? Since she's blind, I'm guessing this lady must have some hands with ridonkulous super powers to pick up on the fact this guy was white, about 5'7", with brown hair, and blue eyes.

Angry Tears

2009-08-25T14:10:00.001-07:00

This post is mostly going to be something only girls can relate to. Why is that when we get really angry, we suddenly have that overwhelming urge to cry? When I'm angry, it sure would be nice to have some dang lasers comin' out my eyes instead of stupid angry tears. Is that too much to ask Lord? How are people supposed to take me seriously when I've got tears and no lasers?

Being a girl is lame sometimes. boo hoo.

Office Rules

2009-08-24T15:21:00.000-07:00

I've created a few items that I think should be standardized rules in the work place since apparently common courtesy has lost its place in the world.
1. No reheating sea food in the lunch room. I don't know what it is about reheated seafood, but it somehow always seems to have that nasty fishy smell that may not have been apparent when the dish was freshly made. I'll admit I'm not a seafood enthusiast. In fact, I down right hate it. But you enthusiast can't tell me that when you walk into the lunch room, or even within a 50 foot radius, that you take a whiff of that crap and think, "mmm, that smells good."
2. NO PHONE CALLS IN THE BATHROOM. Really? Really. That phone call just couldn't wait 5 minutes? Everyone has to of experienced this at some point in a public bathroom. But at work? Really? Because it's not some stranger in that stall next to you. I mean, maybe you have little business to do there, but that coworker next to you could blast any minute for all you know! And lets not even discuss sanitary concerns...
3. Hand washing mandatory after bathroom use. What is wrong with people? You're in a public place for heavens sake. Do you not see the risk here? Maybe you're not concerned about contracting contaminants, but the rest of us have noticed your lack of washing and are concerned about receiving YOUR contaminants. And don't even try to sell me on your hand sanitizer. It doesn't replace hand washing, and kills "most" germs, not all, and does nothing to eliminate viruses.
4. Coffee pot culprit - You know who you are! The audacity! To think that some people apparently feel it's beneath them to take 2 minutes to refill the coffee pot and push the brew button after taking the rest of the last pot. Though I'm not a coffee drinker, I've seen my share of victims, and let me tell you, it can be a scary thing to witness when someone hasn't had their cup of joe in the morning and goes to pour a tall mug of nothing.
5. All or Nothing rule. If you're not going to eat the whole thing, say a donut or bagel, DON'T TOUCH IT! Not only does it concern me who may have touched that item to cut it in half, but now I'm disappointed I can't eat the whole thing. So if you're "watching" you're calorie intake, maybe you should just leave the good food for people who appreciate it.
6. No nail clipping. Yes nail clipping, as in finger nail clipping. I can understand a quick clip of a hangnail, but when I hear that "click..click...click..click..." it kinda grosses me out. All I gotta say is how nasty would that be to see someone's nail fling over onto your desk! Nasty! Cause you know when you clip those things it's like the clipper turns into a sprinkler head spraying out nails everywhere.

So maybe I should get a petition going or something... thoughts?

Diaper Changing - a pain or a privilege?

2009-08-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

I've got about 13 nieces and nephews and between them all have had my fair share of diaper changing. So I'd say I'm in a position to share my opinion on the subject and state they are not only a pain to change, but a whole lot of nastiness. But something occurred yesterday that led me to believe that there are those who apparently consider it a privilege. Right now you're probably thinking, who in their right mind? This person must be either nuts, or maybe a new parent still relishing all the "new" little moments with their new bundle of joy. On the contrary though. This new found "privilege" (a term I use loosely since I don't necessarily agree) was actually bestowed upon me the other day by the very person whose diaper I was suddenly changing.

You see, my niece Emma (who will be 2 next month) has for whatever reason taken a strong liking to me. I don't see her too often so I'm sort of at a loss for where her attachment comes from. I'm thinking it may be very strongly linked to the piggy back rides. Anyway, my sister and I are sitting in the living room when she tells her mommy she's got "poo poo", which translates as needing a diaper change. So my sister grabs a diaper and wipes and Emma sits down in front of me. My sister drags her over, lays her down and she fusses and squirms while calling out," MB.. MB..", which is what she calls me. So my sister lets go and Emma squirms her way over till she's in front of me and throws her legs up with this huge SMILE on her face. It was as if she were saying, "Congratulations! Moms been stripped of her privileges and I have offered you this once in a lifetime opportunity. Isn't it exciting?" So of course I changed her diaper. Not to mention her mommy was all too willing to relinquish her diaper changing honor. Luckily it didn't end up being a poopy diaper.

So to summarize, most of us consider diaper changing a pain. But it the eyes of a 2 year old, it's apparently a privilege.

How Rude!!!

2009-08-07T14:09:00.000-07:00

Picture this and ask yourself "what would I do?":
Lets say you're at El Pollo Loco. Your hubs is in line while you snag a table. There's one guy in front of you and about 4 people behind you, and one cashier ringing up. Now the guy "ordering" apparently doesn't speak or read English and is currently having the cashier give him a run down of the menu and all the different options, literally. You know this because you're husband, who is somewhat patiently waiting in line, speaks Spanish. It's been somewhere between 5-10 minutes, which is a freakin loooong ace time to be at the freakin register (hey I never claimed to be patient when I'm hungry). Anyway, that's not even the point of the story and is really a story of its own..
There's another employee, who appears to be the one taking drive-thru orders since she has a headset on, and is near an unused register. All of a sudden there's this little 8 year old girl with a $10 bill walking up to this employee to order something extra for her huge family that is sitting nearby with a table full of food and the mother standing somewhat nearby shoooing her to the register telling her in Spanish, "it's okay, just ask the lady." And the lady RINGS HER UP!!!
Hold the phones people, did that just really happen? A women had her child cut in front of 5 people and thinks that's okay? What kind of message are you sending your child? Not to mention... HOW RUDE!!!!!!!!!!
And what about the employee? I think I would have pointed that little girl in the direction of the end of the line. Does that employee not see how that might upset some of the other customers? Granted, my somewhat patient/impatient husband used that opportunity to insist that same employee ring him up since she rang up that little girl and "menu" guy was still "ordering" so I guess it was kind of a blessing in disguise.

Who'da thunk it?

2009-08-07T14:03:00.000-07:00

I was watching one of those "do it yourself" shows and was schooled in the technique of tightening bolts. This older gentleman was showing another gentleman on how to piece together an electric handsaw. When he was tightening the bolt that held the blade in place he warned, "now don't tighten it too tight". And the other guy naturally inquired, "what would happen if I did?". I'm thinking, well geeze, the blade won't work idiot. But alas, that was not the case and this man was surely full of much more wisdom than I ever could have thought imaginable.
His reply, "well, you see, the problem is it would be too hard to get off." Huh. I honestly didn't see that one coming. Especially since there wasn't even a hint of sarcasm, which would have made the comment very funny. But he appeared to be very serious about it leaving me with the thought... Really?

We're like This!

2009-07-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

You know the phrase. It's usually accompanied by the hand gesture of crossing the first and middle finger. I'm sure we've all used it at one time or another. But has anyone ever pondered the gesture itself? I'll admit my mind occasionally drifts in the gutter, but honestly, you gotta admit the gesture is kind of amusing when you think of it the wrong way. hehe

Wouldn't it make more sense just to hold those two fingers up close together, side by side?

I'm just sayin'....

What are you here for?

2009-07-15T10:57:00.000-07:00

Ever seen the Blue Collar Comedy tour? Well if you have, you're familiar with the phrase, "Here's your sign!" Seriously I think I have at least a few of those kind of moments every day. But this one was blog worthy.

Me and the hubs are in the process of mattress shopping. So we went to Sit-n-Sleep, a mattress store, naturally. We walk in and are greeted by the sales guy whose first words, very cheerfully I might add, following his greeting is, "So, what are you here for?". Without missing a beat my husband says, "We're looking to buy a new car." bahahahahhahaaaaaaa
HERE'S YOUR SIGN!

I realize the salesman's question was probably more geared toward "what type of mattress are you looking for", but it doesn't take away from how dumb he sounded. haha

ACCESS DENIED!

2009-07-08T10:28:00.000-07:00

Not sure if all of you in the work place have experienced internet blocks for websites deemed inappropriate, but my work does. The way it works is if you type in key words, like porn or boobs, a screen will pop up and indicate: ACCESS DENIED!
And then it indicates the catergory it falls under, like Pornography.
So I'm on my way to work and a rock hits my freakin windshield. I'm barely going 35 and so is the vehicle in front of me which apparently kicks up a rock that put a bulls eye the size of a penny on my winshield. So right after I crapped my pants (because the impact was so shockingly loud I jumped), I say to myself, "great, now I gotta have it repaired before it spreads." I get to work and google "windshield crack repair". To my dismay, up pops "ACCESS DENIED!"... categorized under Illegal Drugs. Huh. Really?
Maybe it's protocol to just set these internet barriers to a list of words associated with bad things, which is probably the case. But it begs the question, why? Are there really people stupid enough to look up things at work that could implicate them in illegal situations that would result in arrest? Apparently so. So FYI... be leary about the person sitting next to you at work. They could be a drug dealer.

Ohhh, she said LIKE! Well that clears it all up.

2009-07-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting in Young Womens class at church (a sunday school type class for girls ages 12-18) and we asked them about their 4th of July celebrations. We have sisters in there that don't always see eye to eye, one is 13 the other 17. The 13 year old says, "we stayed up till like midnight doing fireworks." And then her sister smugly/accusingly corrected her, "no, you guys went to bed at 11:30." And then the 13 year old very seriously/smugly corrected her... " I said like! (emphasis on LIKE with a very much "duh" tone in her voice)." It was your average sibling bickering, but I found it hysterical. And also found it enlightening. To think that I've been understanding conversations wrong all this time. Wonder how well that would go over with my boss...
"MB, I thought you said these numbers were good to go."
"I said they were like good to go." Duh.

Crazzy's Wasewagan

2009-06-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

So this last week I spent up in Big Bear at girls camp as a "cabin mom" (although all my girls thought I was a Laurel (the 17-18 year olds) :). We went to a campground named "Crazzy's Wasewagan". The camp was built in the 30's and though much of it has been restored, it still had some spooky looking parts. Like this little shack, maybe about the size of a king size mattress in square footage, and just tall enough for me to stand up in. The whole top half was open and lined with screen material and had tattered green material hanging around the inside as make-shift drapes. The door had no knob, just a latch with a stick through it to keep it closed. (I would have taken a pic if my camera battery wasn't dead :P) And then behind the mess hall, there was a peculiar looking concrete mound with a door on it high enough for people to walk in. I'm guessing it was some sort of storage room, but looked eerily similar to the huge hearth in Hansel and Gretel that the witch cooked the kids in. So naturally my head started flowing with scary stories and between me and my friend Erin (another cabin mom), the story got pretty out of control quick, to our delight. I mean with things like described, the story practically writes itself. I had the 13 year olds in my cabin, and Erin had the 12 year olds in hers. She managed to tell the story the first night, and then it spread through camp the next day. I tried to tell it to my girls the next night, but every time I tried, they would scream NOOO, and would start singing "I am a Child of God." LOL...hysterical. Why so scared? Well let me tell you the story of the crazy bum named Lazy Eye Jenkins that used to roam these parts not so long ago...

(stay tuned for the story....)

Maturity Leave?

2009-06-16T11:36:00.000-07:00

I've heard of military leave, maternity leave, personal leave...but maturity leave? That's a new one. The thought came from an email at work where the author of the email was inquiring about someones maternity leave, but spelled it wrong, giving the impression this individual is on a maturity leave. LOL... I can think of a few people off the top of my head that would benefit from such a leave....
hahaha

Perves Pardise

2009-06-16T11:10:00.000-07:00

So I had the opportunity to spend a girls day out at Glen Ivy in Corona yesterday. While the day was full of fun and relaxation and some much needed girl time, I couldn't help but notice the number of men there. Granted the ratio of men there was probably less than 10%, but still that's kind of a lot for a place I'd consider "girly". Seriously, at one point there I am with my sister-n-law and mother-n-law sitting in the mineral spa when 6 gangley men invade the very same spa. Than came an involuntary and awkard conversation my sister-n-law had with one of the men where he asked about her unpainted fingernails and stated that all women should have them painted and then asked about her toes. As if that wasn't icky enough, he then kinda tapped her leg (mind you we're in swimsuits) and said, "don't worry, I won't bite." Needless to say we moved onto a different area.
I realize it's open to both genders, but I was really surprised to see so many flock to a place that most men I know see as a pointless place to hang out. So I asked myself, why? Why would these men pay 40 bucks to hang out at a pool all day. Yes we're in a day in age when the metro sexual man has...come out of the closet (or what have you), but these are NOT metro sexual men. They're frumpy old farts! And then it hit me all at once...it's a Perves Paradise.
Let's put it in perspective...
1) These days, seeing a man at a spa all day no longer labels him as gay thanks to the metro sexual man.
2) There's TONS OF PRACTICALLY NAKED WOMEN ALL AROUND AND BARELY ANY MEN.
3) Too many men at more public places that are free, like the beach.
4) Where else can a man go to casually oogle all day? And if called out on it his rebuttle would be something like, "well I don't know about you, but I paid $40 to relax. Why would I pay $40 to oogle when I can oogle anywhere else for free?" Please see point 2 and 3 sir. Not to mention, sir, many of your kind pay who knows what to get a girl to dance in your lap. Couldn't you also get that somewhere else for free?

Anyway, it sure would be nice if a place like that limited men to just a couple days a week so women can plan their spa days around those days. I went to relax, and did so, but still couldn't help but feel self conscious because of those men there. And they were oogling...

Really?

2009-06-01T12:58:00.000-07:00

Why is that when you're trying to tell a story and then mention someone that's "older" than you, some people have to ask, "well what's older?" with a bit of a scoff in their voice. Like they're trying to be sarcastic, but there's that subtle hint of them being offended. Like heaven forbid someone is older than me.
Next time someone older than me tells a story about someone being "younger" than they are, I'll be sure to scoff in a sarcastic, but slightly offended manner. Wonder what kind of reaction I would get...

Are you Cold? Nope.

2009-06-01T11:52:00.000-07:00

Like many women, I'm chronically cold. I could be in bed, have 5 blankets piled high, begging my husband to roll over to help me get warm. To which he rolls over, only to roll back complaining that I'm a furnace...to which I reply, "well then my bones must still be cold cause I'm freezing!"

Even as I type this my fingers are frozen from the freakin AC that blows nonstop in my cubicle. Yeah, it's like 80 out today, beautiful and sunny. But I'm indoors sitting in the Artic Circle. So my usual work attire consists of sweaters, jackets, and mittens with finger cut outs (so I can still type but keep these phalanges warm!).

So why is it that people will ask me if I'm cold?? I mean, I realize I'm wearing a jacket, but are my lips purple and my teeth chattering...? My usual reply to them is a simple, "no." And then they look at me like I'm the crazy one. I have a jacket on people.
Last I checked, jacket = warm, not cold.
I'm just sayin..

In case you missed this on my Facebook...

2009-06-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

I just had to post this here too! It's too funny to not share with everyone.

Holy histerical! If you need a little "pick me up" and a good laugh, check out this link. It's a wolf t-shirt being sold on Amazon. It was in Yahoo news as somehow being one of their top selling items. The link below takes you directly to the comments people have left and I DIED of laughter. Granted I'm sure most are not truly genuine comments, but they are HILARIOUS! Make sure you look at pics of the shirt first!

http://www.amazon.com/Three-T-Shirt-Available-Various-Sizes/product-reviews/B000NZW3IY/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Going back Public

2009-06-01T11:02:00.001-07:00

So, I've decided to take this puppy back public. Why deny the world the goodness of all things Ridonkulous? I've taken some of the personal aspects out, like pictures and posts about family stuff and just keeping the blog for amusement purposes. So feel free to pass it along to your friends for an occasional laugh.

Milk and Cookies

2009-05-06T14:57:00.000-07:00

Milk and Cookies..mmmm... you know what I'm talking about. They just compliment each other so well. I can't think of two things that go together better. So last week I realized two things: 1) I can't stand it when someone else dips their cookies in MY milk, and 2) I coined a new phrase.

One day last week I had some of my in-laws over. So I made super delicious cake batter cookies, which were quite the crowd pleaser I might add. Now before I continue, two things you should know about me...1) I don't share milk from my cup. I can share any other beverage in a cup, but for whatever reason, milk is a no-go for me. Don't know why. 2) I'm not a cookie dipper. I like to eat my cookie and chase it with milk. I don't like the cookie messing up the milk with all it's nernies and how it makes the milk taste like cookie.

Moving on. So I've got everyone's cookies served and finally sit to enjoy their deliciousness with a glass of milk. As I'm eating, out of nowhere comes Nate (the hubs) with a drive-by dip into MY MILK!! WTFreak??? Whoooaaa buddy... where do you get off thinking that was remotely a good idea?? I mean, I know we never had an official sit down to discuss cookie eating ettiquette, but really? Who does that? Freakin Nate. You get a free pass this time pal, but next time there will be forks flying!

So the positive I took from this experience is a new phrase I coined (or at least I've never heard it before). Anytime you need someone to mind their own business or whatever, but can't find the words, feel free to say... "don't go dippin' your cookies in my milk!"

But you gotta use it with a little bit of a ghetto accent to really get your point across.

El Pollo Loco - crazy chicken or just crazy?

2009-04-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine and I decided to dine at the local El Pollo Loco last Friday in an attempt at a healthy alternative for food. Not remotely a preferred place of mine to dine, but Subway was getting old.

So I ordered the skinless chicken breast meal as seen in my receipt I posted here. Now as your peruse the receipt, did you happen to notice the customer name toward the bottom? To think I've been spelling my name wrong all these years. No wonder I had to repeat my name three times for her to hammer it out.

Then my meal came. Now, I don't claim to be ridiculously smart, but I would have thought purchasing a skinless chicken breast implied there would be no skin. I guess I was out smarted again by the employees of El Pollo Loco. So I was left to pick off that nastiness myself. Nasty.

And then the mother of all nastiness. As I'm finishing up my meal, something caught my eye just to the left of my friends shoulder who was sitting in front of a window. Perched on the window sill was a very dead monster size furry moth. We're talking inches away from my friend, on the inside of the restaurants window sill. It was DISGUSTING!! Thank goodness I was already pretty much done with my food cause that right there would have done me in. I think I just vurped.

Hit it!!

2009-03-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

I'm sure most of us have heard the phrase "hit it", right? So I'm not going to bother explaining it. But funny story to share of course.
So my soon to be sis-n-law Jen was thrown a bridal shower by my mother-n-law Tracy Saturday. One of Jen's friends brought over these cute paper flowers in a vase that everyone needed to write some advice on for the bride. After the shower, I offered to drive some of her new things over to her apartment down the street and Tracy rode with me. She was holding the vase of advice flowers and started reading them as I drove. Most of them had all the crap you'd expect...don't go to bed angry, pray together, be patient...blah blah blah. And then she read, "Hit It!". To which she said, "Hit it? That doesn't even make sense."
I about DIED all while suppressing the urge to burst out laughing. I wasn't about to school my mother-n-law in slang 101.

American Idol

2009-03-16T10:50:00.000-07:00

About a year ago I signed up on a waiting list to attend a taping for American Idol. So finally Friday I got an email for a taping for this week. But I didn't check my email this weekend, so I got the email this morning, clicked on the link to get my vouchers....AND IT WAS ALREADY BOOKED UP!!! Lame. Here's the "please note" section of the email they sent:

PLEASE NOTE: All vouchers are free. Due to the immense popularity of the show, there is a system in place to ensure that as many fans as possible get a fair chance to see the show. Therefore you will only have this one opportunity and then you will be removed from the waitlist. We are unable to make special accommodations. Therefore, if you click on the following link and are sent back to the waiting list because the shows are already full or if you are receiving this email and are unable to attend this date, we suggest you rejoin the wait list any time after Tuesday, March 17th so that we may contact you again as soon as possible. Thank you for your understanding.

It pretty much translates as: "We have only 100 seats to fill and emailed 5,000 people. So you better hurry up and click on the link to get your vouchers before someone else does or you won't get to go. And if you're NOT one of the lucky 100 to get a voucher, we will still be taking you off the wait list so you have to sign up again and wait another year."

What a joke.

Facebook Friend Whores

2009-02-19T09:38:00.000-08:00

I finally caught the facebook wave. I find the site somewhat NOT user friendly, but whatever. It is a cool place to find old friends without the plethora of teenagers and all the crap associated with myspace. On to the point of this post. Now, is it just me, or is facebook just full of a bunch of friend whores? I admit, I have a horrible memory, so some of these people I'm sure I've spoken to at least once in my life. But honestly, if I gotta scrape my brain to remember who the heck you are, chances are we were never really friends. Sure I was probably nice to you and yada yada yada. But just because we went to the same school/church doesn't qualify you as a friend. Unless we hung out and have at least one memorable moment together, I'm going to say you're only an aquaintance. There, I said it. To all these people that have added me as a "friend" I ask, why? And I know the answer. Your a friend whore. To you I'm just another # on your friend list so that people might think your cooler now by how many friends you have. Or maybe that others will think you're cooler by having me as one of your "friends" on your facebook (haha).
So just the other day I ignored a friend request for the first time. Oh yes people. I can hear you all gasping now. I know, what a mean person. Who would do such a thing? So I've probably burned a bridge. Oh wait, no, there never was a bridge, he was never my freakin friend. I think we may have gone to the beach once with a group of people since he knows my husband through a mutual friend they have. And I'm almost positive I met him before that years ago when he dated my best friends older sister. And suddenly that qualifies as a friend. Well I guess I showed him! haahaha

Note to Self..

2009-02-17T16:05:00.000-08:00

Next time I'm debating over buying something, ask the lady to put it on HOLD!!

I love little things like these jars and want to collect them, but they are quite pricey. The tiny size pictured will run you easily around $100. So I'm perusing one of many local antique stores with my hubs and inlaw folks and come across a cute little jar (similar to those pictured but the lid was not quite as ornate) for only $20!! But I was sort of on the fence because the lid wasn't very ornate and had some dents and the jar itself had a little chip in it. But really, for $20, still a steal. There was a sales lady helping me since certain items, like this one, are in a locked case. I handed it back to her to "think" about it. I kid you not, I turned down the next aisle, not even a minute passed yet, and some other lady already had it in her hands and was taking it to the register! She had to have been hovering just waiting for me to put that little jar down. She looked like a seasoned antiquer and will probably turn that jar around and sell it at a higher price. I was so annoyed!! I can't believe I got snaked like that. And everyone in my party was like, "you better get it now before someone else does". grrrrr.... It's like, okay, if I came back a week later, or even the next day, fine. I waited too long. But seriously, 1 MINUTE?? What a joke. It just wasn't meant to be.

So next time you need a moment to think a purchase over, make sure you put your crap on HOLD first! ding dangit.

BEST DAY EVER!!!

2009-01-19T10:31:00.000-08:00

So yesterday Nate and I, and Chelsea and Brandon Stewart, sit ourselves down for sacrament. Just your average Sacrament meeting.... NOT!!! We sit down, and then Chelsea is like, I think that's Stephenie Meyers (she says as she discretely points just to the left at the girl sitting in the pew right in front of us). I'm like, no way. But Chelsea is totally sure of it and notes the 3 boys, and then I noticed her husband who I recognized from pictures online. So then Matt Plumber, sitting behind us, gets up (sacrament hadn't started just yet) and taps her on the shoulder to ask if she was Stephenie Meyers (the author of Twilight), to which she nodded in affirmation. And then Nate leans to her and says," you've got a couple of huge fans over here" (nodding toward me and Chelsea). She then quickly turns to briefly smile and give a little wave which made me and Chelsea giggle like little school girls. In fact I giggle even now as I write this. But you could tell she didn't want to be bothered. And I don't blame her, especially with her children there. And if it were me I would expect a little privacy at church. So to answer all your burning questions.... no we did not get an autograph or speak to her out of respect for her privacy and the Sabbath. But OHHHH to be sitting right behind her. What a GLORIOUS DAY!! Best day ever really!! so cool.

And how cool is it to have someone that's no doubt a millionaire now, on vacation, and still gets her family to church?? One more reason for me to admire her. Wow.

On a side note, we get tons of visitors in our ward because we're the nearest church building to Disneyland. First time we've had someone famous like that, but not completely out of the ordinary because of all the visitors our ward gets.

Flight of the Conchords

2009-01-08T09:05:00.000-08:00

Do yourselves a favor... go to YouTube and find this group and watch their videos. There's a bunch of them performing live and they are HILARIOUS. By far my favorites are "Business Time" and "Frodo, Don't Wear the Ring". Both have an actual music video, but be warned the Business Time one appeared to have briefly shown one of them nude, but blurred out, so you may want to just look for their live performance (although the lyrics kind of vary so the actual video is funnier in my opinion). And the Frodo one is only hilarious if you've seen the LOTR movies (Lord of the Rings). Soooooo freakin funny people. Please, seriously, if you need a good laugh, you will die of laughter. And if you don't, you're dead inside.

Oh, and if you haven't seen Achmed the Terrorist, look for that on YouTube too. It's a vantrilliquist performance that is ridiculously funny.

Michaels Coupon

2008-12-23T11:17:00.000-08:00

So I'm in the break room at work and notice a couple Michaels coupons on the table for 15% off. So I'm like, sweet! So I take one and then notice, it expired two days ago. Now, today was the first day those coupons made an appearance in the break room, meaning someone had to of just put them there. Who the heck puts out expired coupons? lame.

Morning Snack

2008-12-17T08:37:00.000-08:00

So Nathan is on a cooking kick. Don't mind that at all and he's whipped up some tasty dishes thanks to the Food Network. So this morning he was making a marinate with oranges and whatever else. He only used half the orange so I helped myself to the other half for a morning snack. Took one, tiny bite and was done. Too sweet for the morning? no. Already full from breakfast? no. Too garlicky? huh. What would provoke me to make such a ridiculous suggestion? Oh maybe because my husband was savvy enough to spare getting another knife dirty in the morning and only used one to cut both the garlic and the orange. Lovely. I can still taste the stupid garlic...
So not tasty this early in the morning.

Nothing new...

2008-12-02T09:18:00.000-08:00

Saw Twilight. ( I won't mention how many times, but it was more than once) - LOVED IT! Yes, it had some cheese filled parts and some lame special effects (what do you expect with a low budget film), but all in all I loved it and can't get enough of it. I'm totally beside myself as to why the infatuation. But it makes me happy so who the heck cares, right? I think Nate might think I'm a little nuts, but he understands since he can relate with LOTR.... and I'm pretty sure my nuttiness totally amuses him. He only feeds the fire when he tells me he's Edward and starts spewing out lines from the movie... you guys have no idea how lame we really are... well except Katie....we could probably make millions on our own reality show with a camera following us around all day.

Halloween

2008-11-12T20:09:00.001-08:00

I'm a little late on my post, but here are the pictures of me at work in my costume. I made an outhouse out of a box and made fake legs to create the illusion of me sitting. It was hotter than heck in there and not remotely functional for the work place, but totally worth it for the laughs alone. Took 1st place for funniest costume and won $50!! Woo HOOO!! And it only cost $5 to make. Feel free to add captions in the comment section and indicate what pic it's for.. (The pictures look a little weird cause I messed with them a little in photoshop...)

Dying of Laughter at the Moment....

2008-10-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

So I have a coworker that has horrible broken English when it comes to emails. Usually I can figure out what the email's about. This one had me and my manager crying from laughter!!! Pay close attention to the very last sentence. You may need to read it twice!! LOLLLLLL What makes it even a little funnier is she works in Human Resources.

I send you the payroll for this week, next week Martha is taking Monday , Tuesday and may be Wednesday, so if you have any questions please way she comeback jajajajajaja, no you know you can always come on me ,

Translation: I've sent you the payroll for this week. Next week Martha is taking Monday, Tuesday, and maybe Wednesday off, so if you have any questions, please wait until she comes back. hahahahaha. No, you know you can always count on me.

Pay Day

2008-09-26T10:32:00.000-07:00

If you didn't already know, I work in payroll. And on pay day's, we're a little old school here and actually hand deliver everyone's paycheck. How nice, I know. Maybe you're fortunate to have this nice face to face contact with your payroll rep, so let me just point out some annoyances you may want to avoid.
For whatever reason, every pay day I'm guarenteed to have at least ONE employee say one of the following things to me:

"Oh, my name is 'so and so' (the name of an executive)." First of all, I know everyone's name so don't do me the injustice by trying to play me for a retard. Second, I would be an IDIOT if I didn't know who the executives are to which even if I didn't know your name (measly no name employee not important enough to remember) I sure as heck know it's not the name of the executive you just named. And just know that even though I give you a good convincing giggle, I'm giggling at the funny names I'm calling you in my head and not your lame joke that I've heard about a gazillion times.

"How about next time you add a few zeros to my check." To which I usually reply, "No prob. I'll be sure to add it after the decimal." I don't mind this question so much since I'm able to deliver my line and make my getaway while they're still figuring out what I just said. But still, it gets old, so don't bother asking.

"Oooh, it's my favorite person." You don't gotta lie to kick it. I'm paid to pay you so there's no need to patronize me.

Snuggie

2008-09-26T08:37:00.001-07:00

Nate and I saw this infomercial the other night and about died laughing. You gotta click on the little video to truly appreciate the product. Maybe I'm crazy, but isn't that blanket just a robe on backwards?? I can't believe I missed out on that entrepreneurial opportunity. I need to look through my house to see what gold mine I've been overlooking all these years!

https://www.getsnuggie.com/flare/next

Where's Waldo

2008-09-10T08:41:00.001-07:00

We were lucky enough to score free tickets to last nights Angel game. Before the game I sometimes like to try and get autographs from the players. As I was perusing the OC Register online, I came across this photo and found myself in it. Can you find me?? :)
I got Sean Rodriguez's autograph. Wish it was Torii Hunter, but oh well.

By the way, Yankee games at Angel stadium suck. Half the crowd is Yankee fans. Totally annoying. And what's even lamer is they only cheer for A-Rod and Jeter. Whoop-dee-do. Too bad you sucky Yankee fans won't see your precious Yankees in the playoffs! ahahaahahahahahaa
GO ANGELS!!!!!!!!!

BEHOLD....

2008-08-28T21:32:00.000-07:00

No this isn't some picture I got off the internet. The is in fact the office in which I work. Let me just point out that where each chair is, there is an immediate wall behind it. It's a one-person office with two people jammed in. Lovely. And don't even think about, "oh there must be a better way to situate the desks." Been there done that, and sadly this IS the best way. My desk is on the right. If you look closely, you can see my Scioscia bobble head. And if you look even closer, you'll notice my coworkers GAY dodger helmet on top of her monitor. I'm soooo tempted to just give it a good flick....

So now you can see how one might get super dang annoyed by the constant smacking of the gum. By the way, I thought I was being clever today, but was apparently a little too vague. She was smacking her gum, as usual, and since my monitor is stratigically placed to block my view of her, I can pretend to not know what she's eating, so I asked naively, "oh, what are you eating?" To which she said, "nothing. I just have some gum." I thought that it was pretty clear that it was so loud maybe you should shut your mouth! But she didn't take the hint. So next time I'm going to have to just spell it out. I don't know why I haven't yet. I guess I just have a hunch that it will piss her off... which I admit would make me feel good--vindicated really. But the fact remains, I share a tiny office with her and it would get really awkward. Anyway, I'm pretty close to not caring these days. I'll post if I ever gather the balls to do it. The thing is, "any week" now, which we've heard for about a month, we're supposed to relocate into separate cubicles. Holy will be THAT day. So I've been trying to keep cool, but my nerves are wearing thin...

How about... I don't think so, stupid!

2008-08-25T09:13:00.000-07:00

So I could write a book about the annoying lady I share an office with (by the way, pictures to come showing just how small the office we share is) but it would take me way too long, so I pick and choose my stories. (names changed to protect the innocent) Here's one for the books:
Last Friday (a payday for us) we had an audit that required all employees to present ID to pick up their checks. So today, an employee approaches my office coworker for his check. She checks his ID and begins flipping through the checks. Coming up empty she asks, "you're last name is Jones, right?" To which he replies, "no, it's Walker." (right, not eeeeven close and by now she should know these peoples names). Laughing at herself she says, "and I just checked your ID." The gentleman lets out a chuckle, all while I roll my eyes. But that's not the point of my story, as good as that story is. After stating 'and I just checked your ID', she then proceeds to say, "that's how good we are here." I'm sorry, did you just say WE???????????????!! It took all my energy to bite my tongue. How about.. I don't think so, STUPID!!!!!!! lakkej#@jld%*&ald!!!!

What a Skeezy Beast!!

2008-08-15T08:08:00.000-07:00

First of all, I'll never understand (even if I wasn't mormon) why any girl would want to wear a skirt that seriously barely covers her butt checks due it's shortness in length. It would be annoying to be constantly conscious of keeping your goodies out of everyone's view. But then I guess those type of girls like their goodies out there for all to see. That must be it. They may as well be ringing a dinner bell with that easy access.
Case and Point: Nate and I had the luxury of having one of these skanks sitting behind us at the Angel game Wednesday, slightly to the right of Nate. One wrong turn of his head would have been fatal (due the beating that would have been initiated by me). Thank goodness he has manners.
So the skank leaves with her friend and then return a short while later. They proceed to walk down our isle, and then to my disgust, hop on the seat that's two seats over from me and climb up to their seats. And the skank was coming toward us at an angle because they were sitting on the other side of Nate, so she went all SPREAD EAGLE on us. Holy friggin CRAP!! She just put us on BLAST with her spread eagle! Thank goodness Nate was focused on the game. I was almost in shock at how blatant she was about what she did. I was like, "what kind of frickin skeezy beast does that??" Nasty whore, that's who. I was two seconds away from ramming her friggin crotch with my water bottle. Seriously, who just spreads eagle like that?? I could have killed her for putting my husband in a situation where he could have turned his head at the wrong moment, not wanting to see that any more than i did, and then she probably would have been thinking, "oh yeah baby, see what you're missing out on. You totally want me." Cause you know that skeezy beast was looking for some sort of reaction from him. I was totally peeved.
And then her and her lame friend kept trying to get people to cheer, and nobody would and the whore said, "geeze, what a bunch of boring fans."
I was really close to saying,"I guess we're all still trying to swallow the vomit in our mouths after seeing your rotten cheese from the lack of skirt you're wearing." I bit my tongue though. There were children around.

Butterface

2008-08-13T08:07:00.000-07:00

You've heard the saying....she's a "butterface (but her face)... meaning everything else looks good but her face. So I was catching up on the latest gossip at USMagazine's website which had this picture posted asking for you to vote which one was the hottest. Phelps is by far the least attractive (and thank goodness his grill ain't showin'). The guy on the right looks gay and I'm not big on the whole jungle fever thing anyway. Which brings me to the guy on the left. He's pretty good looking I guess. Maybe it would be easier to judge if he weren't right next to Phelps. But what the heck is up with the skull necklace???

Nachos Please

2008-08-08T09:14:00.000-07:00

When I go to an Angels game, my favorite thing to get are the nachos. LOVE THEM!!! $5 bucks for about the portion you see pictured, which is filling, but kinda pricey. To be expected at a ball park. So before the game we went to Monday, I took matters into my own hands...

I went to the store and bought a can of my very own nacho cheese for $7 bucks! Now you might be thinking that's alot to pay for a thing of nacho cheese, but picture about a gallon worth and then you'll realize the bargain here!! It turns out they only sell the ginormous size cans of it, and I'm okay with that. And I shoud point out that it's only 7 grams of fat per quarter cup. So I am not feeling guilty for indulging at all.

So now I have a huge tupperware in the fridge full of nacho cheese and our RS had this summer picnic thing the other night that was potluck, so I of course bust out the delicious nacho cheese.

It wasn't an enrichment activity, but a thing this one lady hosts in her backyard every summer. So the host is at the food table and i'm standing there loading my plate with my friend Jessica, when the host throws out there, "wow, who brought all that cheese?" trying to sound curious, but probably more disgusted. Mind you her sign up sheet on Sunday was labeled "healthy sidedishes" and I'm thinking, hello, only 7 grams of fat per quarter cup!. Geeze lady, just trying to share the wealth, you're welcome.

So without missing a beat I owned up to the cheese and told the fun story of how it came about. She didn't seem any more pleased than before, not that I cared, it makes for a great story.

And here's a little irony for you... Considering the likelihood of her being a bit disgusted with the cheese from her comment, I found the main dish she provided a bit counterproductive... hot dogs. I don't know if you can get any more unhealthier than that. So excuse me for trying to make things a little more healthy at the picnic. lolllll

Moment of Silence Please..

2008-07-30T10:42:00.000-07:00

Lackey missing his throwing arm, Vlad missing both arms (and bat), Hunter missing an arm,
and Figgins... an arm, hand, leg, head cracked open and knocked off the foundation he was once positioned on.

Now I know the news didn't broadcast any casualties from the quake. But when I came home, I found our poor Angel bobbleheads in pieces. I mean, hands and feet and crap all over the place!! It was like WWII erupted in our second bedroom. Two out of the six were practically unscathed leaving four in need of repair. I've managed to glue them all back together. Though Chone Figgins took the hardest hit and may be permanently on the disabled list. I found him missing a hand, arm, leg and half his helmet crushed in pieces. I glued most of him back together but he still has a good size hole in his helmet where the pieces were to small to glue back in.
I guess that's what happens when you live in Cali and don't secure your precious bobbleheads that sit on top of a shelf that sits on top of your desk, to where a good shake will cause them to fall and shatter on the desk.
Stay tuned for pictures...

By the way, we had lots of other things all over the place with minor broken items, but here's a weird one. We have this beautiful faux Tiffany lamp on our nightstand (with an all glass lamp shade). We came home and found it on the ground right next to the nightstand, standing perfectly up right, as though someone had just placed it there. We knew the quake knocked it down there, but it was kinda eerie seeing it so perfectly situated on the floor. Like someone was there to catch it and set it down....
But then we realized how it got to that position. Of course the quake knocked it off the stand. And the stand is about 2 feet from the wall, and next to the wall Nate had his tool bag, which is kinda like a tool box, but made out of some sturdy, but soft material. When I inspected the area, right above the tool bag there was a good size nick in the wall. So the lamp apparently tipped over off the nightstand and on it's way down hit the soft tool bag, nicked the wall, and the impact knocked it upright on the floor. Crazy! And crazy that the lampshade didn't bust at all 'cause even though the tool bag is somewhat soft, it had all kinds of tools poking out all over.
Anyway, it was cool. I should be a detective.

Before you Panic...

2008-07-29T15:57:00.000-07:00

No doubt you felt the jolt around noon today. I read it was only 8 feet below the surface so no wonder it felt a million times bigger than 5.4 magnitude. Anyway, just thought I'd pass on some info for future reference, ya know, when the "big one" hits... or any disaster for that matter. I haven't been able to confirm this, but it makes logical sense. Many of us today after the big shake instantly turned to our cellies only to be disappointed that they didn't work. I heard that Verizon (not sure what other networks) goes "off line" for about 30 minutes following a disaster to keep lines open for 911 emergency calls since in disasters people tend to instantly jump on the phone and clog up the network which causes some calls, including emergency calls, to not get through . I would assume your cell should be able to dial 911 during that time, but no other numbers.

I think our first instinct when the phone doesn't ring out is to kinda panic and worry about that person being severely hurt and their phone is broken since it's not ringing, and all these wild ideas play out. When in reality, even if they were hurt and their phone got crushed and no longer worked, your call would still at least go straight to voicemail. So I guess, you might have reason to panic if all you get is voicemail. Ookay, I hope I didn't just cause you all to panic. You get my point.

Introducing Barbie the WHORE

2008-07-24T08:56:00.000-07:00

Her official name: Black Canary Barbie ------- if that doesn't scream HOOKER, I don't know what does. And is it just me, or does she look a little anorexic?? Or maybe her weight is a little low from her crack addiction and all the running she does from her pimp. Apparently, this barbie is made after a popular comic book character, the Black Canary, but I don't think that makes it OK by any stretch of the imagination. And how many little girls read comic books anyway to where the toy industry would see a real opportunity here??

By the way, she is for real, and for sale for about $40 at Toys R Us.

Dang, I didn't know hookers were so cheap!

Hands Free Law

2008-07-08T13:22:00.000-07:00

So everyone knows about the new law. Maybe this already occurred to you too...While I was watching the news July 1st, the newscaster was interviewing a police officer about the new law and asked about texting, something I was curious about as well. Turns out, there's nothing in the new law prohibiting texting, let alone a law of it's own. Call it ironic? Or hypocritical maybe? Not sure what to call it, but it sure doesn't make sense. I can't help but feel texting is a million times more dangerous to do while driving than having the dang phone in hand. At least when the phone is in my hand i still have one hand on the wheel and BOTH FREAKIN EYES ON THE ROAD. So unless you have some crazy talent that allows you to look down with one eye and the other on the road all at once, this is the dumbest law ever. Way to make the roads safer law makers. How can I repay you? How about with this hilarious video!!

http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-42985#

By the way, the cop mentioned there is a law that allows cops to pull you over and write tickets for driving distracted, which he tied into people texting. Not that I'm a genius, but wouldn't that law cover the whole driving with a cell in my hand? Granted the cell phone law was probably instituted so they can fine you more for it, but that doesn't sound as funny as noting there's already a law covering it.

Meanest Person Ever..

2008-07-02T12:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, sometimes I feel like the meanest person ever because I have these mean thoughts that I not only sometimes share with others, but I think they're funny, which is why I share them. So feel free to judge...here's the latest and greatest mean thought...

So I share an office with another employee (a one man office I might add). Among other annoyances I've maybe ranted about before (like the stupid radio), I have a new one to add to that list. And maybe you all think I'm mean for having a list, yeah, I'm not going to argue. But when you share a tiny office with someone else, you'll find your own list writing itself.

Anyway, she ALWAYS has a desk full of wintergreen lifesavers mints, a flavor I too enjoy on occasion. And she eats them all day long. So not only do I have to hear her crunching on those things all day, but it friggin smells like bengay in here, ALL DAY LONG!! I used to love wintergreen. Now... not so much.

AND THEN..... one day, I happened to have a few pieces of candy (the little bite size snickers if you must know). So as I was unwrapping my third piece, and then my coworker says,"another candy? you must be addicted to candy."

First of all, who the hell says that???? I was like, REALLY?? I'm addicted to candy?? And what the freak have you been poppin all day long stupid.

By the way, we just got out of a quick meeting with our manager who had a bottle of pepsi on her desk. My coworker, no joke, at point blank, asked, "is that a pepsi?" No, it's a friggin rocket I plan on sending into space. What the heck do you think????????? HERE'S YOUR SIGN!!!! ahahahahahahahahahahaa

(I don't want to imply that she's unintelligent or anything since for the most part I know she is intelligent. But c'mon, who says that?)

Afraid to go into the Water??

2008-07-01T15:18:00.000-07:00

If you aren't, well, maybe after reading this...too bad there's no picture. Click on the picture below to read how big the fish was...
I guess the clicking on the pic doesn't work. Basically a 6 1/2 foot long catfish was found dead. It apparently tried to eat a soccer ball, which got stuck in the fishes mouth, eventually killing it.
To put the size of that thing in perspective, if it had legs, it would be taller than my husband.

Lessons Learned

2008-06-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

Learned two lessons yesterday. One - There's a lot about cooking and chemistry I don't know.

And Two - NEVER cook milk on the stove top if it's starting to go sour. Here's the story behind it.

Before I ever pour milk into a bowl of cereal, I take a whiff to make sure it's still good since we all know there's almost nothing worse than taking a spoonful of delicious cereal goodness with nasty spoiled milk. So yesterday was no exception. I took a whiff and could tell the milk was starting to go a bit sour. It had that kind of fruity smell, but still seemed like it could be salvaged. So I thought, maybe if I heat it on the stove top to make cream of wheat it won't be as noticeable.

HOLY COW I couldn't have been more wrong. Not only did the milk start to curdle, but the smell went from slightly sour fruity smell to straight up PUKE smell and permeated the whole friggin' downstairs. Super dang nasty.

Note to self - never ever ever heat up milk reaching it's expiration date on the stove. ew.

WICKED

2008-06-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

I forgot to post about the show...
Well, it was awesome. I had never been to a broadway musical before and was surprised at how awesome it sounded in person. It was like a CD was playing - it was clear and crisp - just amazing. And the story itself was very clever. Nathan really enjoyed it (I knew he would be he was skeptical). Anyone that somewhat enjoys music and the movie the Wizard of Oz will get a kick out of this show. And there are tickets for around $30. And there isn't a bad seat in the house. The only draw back - the songs will be forever stuck in your head...
Seriously, we both wake up with the songs playing in our heads. (I guess it doesn't help that we got the soundtrack). But we stopped listening to it and STILL wake up with those songs in our heads. Granted, they're fun songs, but I don't necesarily want to be singing them all day long. Oh well.

Does it smell like updog in here?

2008-06-16T10:40:00.000-07:00

Anyone remember this joke??? CLASSIC and HILARIOUS. I taught it to my niece and nephews while in Washington (a huge hit I might add). Never gets old. For those of you less fortunate to not have ever played this joke here it is...

Ask someone the question, "does it smell like updog in here?"
To which most people will inevitably reply, "what's updog?"
And then you say, "nothing what's up with you?!"
And then laugh your head off while they're scratching their head. LOVE IT!!!! bahahhaahahah

By they way, if you don't get the joke, you're probably not cool enough to use it so I'm not going to explain it. KIDDING. I'll give a hint, instead of spelling DOG, substitute with DAWG...

Washington

2008-06-12T12:04:00.000-07:00

We were able to visit some family in Washington a couple weeks ago. Too much fun to write all out. But I wanted to comment on how friggin' clean that place is! Not to mention the greenest place I've ever seen. They don't even have billboards there which was so weird to not see any but made the place look even cleaner. And get this...while sitting outside, we saw a BALD EAGLE just hanging out flying low overhead. I was like "oh cool, check out that hawk!" And then I was like "hmmm, hawk with a white head...never seen one like that before..." And then it quickly registered in my brain what I was actually seeing. Neat-o! I mean, maybe I don't get out much, but never seen one of those in the wild.

5 Years baby!!

2008-06-12T11:55:00.000-07:00

Heck yes! Our 5 year anniversary is tomorrow! Wow-wee that sounds like forever but feels like only a couple of years. And it's cool tomorrow cause it's the same day of the week we were married on. So if you're putting that together, we were married on Friday the 13th!!! Good thing we're not superstitious.
So Nate surprised me with tickets to WICKED!! I'm pretty darn excited. I don't know that the seats are that great, but I've got binoculars so I'm good. I'll have to post again after we go tomorrow. Super darn dang crazy excited here people.

Food for Thought - Literally!

2008-05-27T08:57:00.000-07:00

I LOVE breakfast. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! So Saturday we decided to go out to breakfast which I was pretty darn excited about. We try to find cool hole in the wall places and Nate remembered a place he used to go to in Costa Mesa that he liked called the Side Street Cafe, but it had been years since his last visit. Now, I don't know if it changed or if his standards for delicious food were lower back then, but it was so NOT what my anticipation had built up to. Not that he said anything special to build up my anticipation, it's breakfast and so I'm automatically anticipating something delicious. After all, how do you mess up breakfast?? Well, let me tell you how. First, you hang up a three year old award for "greatest restaurant" (or some crap like that) next to where your customers eat. Then you serve them their slightly warm/cold food on plates too small to hold the already small portions so when you try to put syrup on the pancakes you ordered, it would only run right off the plate. Then you'd put two pieces of cold, undercooked bacon that have probably been sitting in a massive pile of cold, undercooked bacon since yesterday and put them on top of the pancakes since there's no room on the plate for them and make sure they taste like crap (I've never met a piece of bacon I didn't like until Saturday, cold or not, as long as the bacon tastes good I'm satisfied). Then you bring out the nasty bright yellow eggs on their own plate 5 minutes later than the pancakes (which is kind of a long time). And then you put an $8 price tag on it.

Now that I'm done complaining, here's your food for thought that occured to me as I ate my sad breakfast. Scrambled eggs. I love me some scrambled eggs and order them every time I eat breakfast. After eating here, I may start ordering a well done fried egg. I'm going to try to make sure I check out other peoples plates with scrambled eggs first to see if they look normal. Here's why: when my cold eggs came, I couldn't help but notice how ridiculously bright yellow they were. So I realized one of two things here - one: they weren't real eggs. Or two: they were real but made up of 90% cholesterol filled egg yolks. What are the chances that a small mom and pop place would waste all those egg yolks from the customers ordering egg white only dishes (which I saw was an option on every egg dish for an additional charge)?? Chances are slim and from the looks of the nasty eggs i got, I would be willing to put money on it. And if that isn't enough to convince you, I used to work at the snack bar at a golf course and know that they used to keep a tub of prescrambled raw eggs and would just use a laddle to scoop out some for the frying pan. Their eggs were good though and i can see the advantage of doing it that way, but I can also see how convenient it would be to dump all the egg yolks in there to save some $$.

I'm really not that picky of an eater, especially breakfast. But I gotta say that the food at girls camp easily would have given this place a run for their money.
What's mind boggling is I read some reviews online that raved about this place. Do yourself a favor and never go there. Hit up The Filling Station in Orange. It will change your life. Amazing food at an excellent price in a cute, quaint part of old town Orange.

Favorite T-shirts

2008-05-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

If you ever feel the urge to buy me something, feel free to buy me a t-shirt from this site. Here's a link to one of their shirts that I personally find HILARIOUS!! If you don't think these shirts are funny, you may be arguably dead inside. I love this website. Check out their other shirts.

http://www.palmercash.com/product.asp?3=125

This one is on my list to buy for myself:

http://www.palmercash.com/product.asp?3=1505

Video Games and Fat kids

2008-05-09T10:33:00.000-07:00

I'm an avid video gamer. I LOVE video games. I'll literally play for hours sometimes. I've read so many stories about why kids these days are so fat. Everything from the parents over indulging them with food, lack of exercise, school cafeteria food, etc.
Tangent - we all ate the same cafeteria food growing up and were never considered an obese generation. But the fact that many schools have cut PE out of the kids daily routine at school not only creates lazy fat kids, but teaches them there's nothing fun to do outside. They never get introduced to fun sports like soccor, baseball, etc since those are now too "dangerous" at school so unless the parents are into sports, the kids will probably never know what else there is to do.
Back to my point - Video games have also had the finger pointed at them as being a culprit to causing fat kids. Here's the thing, if anything, our generation has spent at least an equal amount of time playing video games, if not more, than today's kids--and we weren't fat as kids because of it. Proof - well if you had brothers, the proof lies there. You can probably remember the countless hours wasted in front of the TV playing games. But here's the real proof - video games have come a LONG way. It wasn't until I think N64 that you could even SAVE your game to pick up where you left off whenever you wanted. All the older systems we grew up on didn't have that capability so it pretty much forced kids to sit for hours and hours in front of the boob tube if they ever wanted to actually beat a game. And every kid I knew beat all the games they had. So there it is everyone! We can now rule out video games as being the culprit to obese kids. You're welcome.

Some people are still raising good kids

2008-05-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

I probably won't do the story justice thanks to my crappy memory but it was so nice to hear such a thing I had to pass it on.
My mom lives on a residential street that is abnormally busy for it's location. Her house sits on the street where it starts to curve and has had countless accidents near or in front of her house from people taking the curve too fast. And when all the kids lived at home, we would get a lot of visitors and so long story short... whether it was a visitor backing out of the driveway or a crazy driver going too fast, her mailbox has been hit and taken out too many times to count. Not to mention the pesky turds that would go on mailbox bashing sprees, which most of the time I would guess were friends of Spencer.
Anyway, some months ago a local teen hit her mailbox. Something in his car malfunctioned and caused him to lose control of the steering wheel and caused him to knock over the mailbox. Instead of the usual hit and run, the kid knocked on my mom's door to not only apologize but promised to be back the next day to fix it. She accepted his apology, which was more than enough and didn't really expect to see the kid again. But low and behold, the next morning the kid was out there, with his father near by watching, as the kid not only replaced her whole mailbox, but packed in some cement to help keep it in place. Needless to say, my mom was shocked, as was I when she told me the story. Sad to admit, but shocked was really the feeling. I don't know how many kids would do that. Maybe I don't get out much.
Anyway, cool story.

PINK'S

2008-04-29T23:08:00.000-07:00

We love to watch the food network and they have this Drive In's and Diners show that shows all these cool places to eat at all over the US. They showed this place called Pink's in Hollywood. The coolest little place. Been in business for almost 70 years. It's a little hotdog place and for whatever reason, I love hotdogs.. and chili. So I'm a pretty happy camper with a chili dog.

So, Saturday we decided to check it out. You can't see the line in the pics (which wraps around the building), but we waited for 45 minutes and the line didn't even seem that long, so be prepared if you venture out there. They prepare your hotdog right when you order in front of you and then there's only one person ringing up the orders who may have been the slowest moving cashier ever. It was a bit pricey, a long wait, and quite a drive out there. But ssoooooooooo totally worth it, at least once. It was dang tasty and with the added nostalgic we were happy with what we got. Lots of famous people have eaten there and there's autographed photos all over the inside. It was about $17 for us to eat, so like I said, it's a bit pricey, but worth it for at least a one time thing (especially if you like chili dogs).
I got the chili cheese dog, fries and a cream soda.
Nate got the 'Today Show' dog, onion rings and a cream soda. Here's a link to their awesome menu. Check out the Super Specials...

http://www.pinkshollywood.com/pgz/menu.htm

House Walk Throughs

2008-04-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

I just remembered this hilarious story and thought I'd share. As you know, when you're looking to buy that perfect house, you do walk throughs to check out the digs. Our realtor, who is a member of our ward, took us out to different homes to check out. He made sure to schedule appts with the owners to make sure we had a convenient time to stop by, something that isn't necessary since realtors have special codes to open those little boxes on the door handles to get in if no one's home, but it's a nice gesture.
So we show up at this one place, knock, no one answers. The upstairs window was open so he kinda shouts, "hello, anyone home?" but no luck. So our realtor opens the door with his special code. Seconds after we step in we heard something upstairs. Couldn't quite make out what it was, thought nothing of it and proceeded to walk into the first room. And then we heard the moaning. Oh yes, you heard me right... moaning. Followed by the sound of the bed. Needless to say, we hurried our butts out of there giggling the whole way. We were there maybe 5 minutes. I'm not sure if the people there knew someone had walked into the house or not--or just didn't care. I gotta say though, it was a bit embarrassing being there with a member of our ward and I don't know that anyone would feel very comfortable in that situation. Kinda the feeling you get when you're watching a movie that starts to show a slightly risk-ay scene and your parents are in the room watching the movie with you and it just gets really awkward and you just wish someone would fast forward, but you don't move because you don't want them to know you're uncomfortable... yeah, that's kinda what it felt like. And then a few weeks later he was called to be bishop. Good stuff.

Boys will be Boys

2008-04-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

Saturday we had a at the Montoya's. While there we were treated to some fantastic homemade pizza courtesy of Chris Montoya. Seriously the tastiest. You'll never order in again. Anyway, there were leftovers that everyone was lucky to be sent home with.

So I'm in church thinking about how delicious my lunch will be since I'll be devouring my left over pizza. We get home and I go upstairs to change while Nathan doesn't waste any time getting his 2 slices ready to eat. After I change, I walk into the kitchen to find my 2 slices on a plate. But one of my slices had a huge bite out of it! And it was the first bite, which is my favorite (don't know why but I just love that first bite). So I started badgering my husband and he was adamant that it wasn't him and that it was like that before he took it out of the bag. I was starting to believe him and then scolded him for snaking the two good pieces... and then he could no longer contain his laughter. And I knew that laugh! What a turd! Who the heck takes a bite out of someone elses pizza when they have their own equal amount of pizza! I gave him an earful, but there was no getting through. He was too pleased with himself. He's been warned though. I don't go down without getting the last word. I haven't decided my revenge yet...

By the way, this sort of behavior is soooooo something my brother Spencer would do. I guess I can thank him for grooming me my whole life to be a wife. Without brothers, a girl would be in for the shock of her life when she gets married.

My fake dead fish

2008-04-06T18:47:00.000-07:00

Check out video of our fish Sanchez. We named him that because he has a little line of orange on the top of his mouth that kinda looks like a moustache so Sanchez somehow seemed to fit the bill. Here's the caption that is on the youtube site...

Just your average dead gold fish...except that fish isn't dead. It just floats there upsidedown all day. No it's not stuck. There's plenty of room between the tank and filter to swim by. For the most part it only leaves that spot to eat and that's about it. Why you ask?? Beats me. I can't say it's dumb because it leaves to eat when I put food in. So I guess it's just your laziest fish ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sje4v7wyrrM

Question of the Day

2008-04-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

Why is it when I put delicious little fluffy mallows in my hot chocolate they float away from my mouth when I drink?? I'd like to be able to eat them as I drink, not at the very end of my drink. Logically, wouldn't you think if the fluid is moving forward the mallows would follow suit? So I drink all the hot chocolate to get to my mallows and they refuse to move from the bottom of my cup, clinging to the sludge of unmixed chocolate I try to avoid drinking. Now I have to dig them out with my fingers. Ding Dangit mallows!
They're smarter than they look.

Easter Sunday

2008-03-24T10:07:00.001-07:00

Gotta tell these hilarious stories from Easter yesterday involving my nephew Gavin (he's 2). My family is still sitting at the dinner table chit chatting while Gavin is permitted to go in the backyard. There's a little playground back there he likes to play on that is in perfect view through a big window situated right in front of the dinner table in the dining room. The following all took place within maybe 30 minutes. Sooo much funnier to see in person of course.

First, we noticed him casually walking to the playground...which would have been fine if he didn't have a hammer in his hand he apparently found that my other brother left out. So Spencer (Gavin's daddy) opens the door to retrieve it and as soon as Spencer says "Gavin, come here", Gavin is running to the playground fully aware that he is now doing something he isn't supposed to and proceeds to hide in the covered part of the playground thinking he out smarted daddy. Funny thing about Gavin is when he knows he has something he shouldn't, he'll normally throw whatever he has in an effort to dispose of the evidence before he hides. I think the hammer may have been a little too heavy to throw, thank goodness. By the way, the rest of the family is all snickering while watching through the window.
Then, maybe five minutes later, Spencer retrieves gardening prunes from Gavin who was chasing the neighbors cat. Priceless.
After inspecting the yard for any other things he shouldn't play with, he's released back outside.
So he's playing on the playground when someone notices he pulled his pants down ( a new fun trick he likes to pull). So everyone looks out the window as he starts to run towards the house with his pants around his ankles when he totally eats it in the grass. And then he gets up and makes it to the back door where Spencer is waiting to pull up his pants. Everyone is roaring with laughter in the house. It was too funny watching him try to run with his movements being limited by the pants around his ankles. You could really see the determination on his face. I don't know where these kids come up with this stuff, but talk about entertaining!

Eyebrows

2008-03-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, so part of the Tag post I revealed my lack of eyebrows and was disappointed with the lack of sympathy! boo hoo... So I'm putting it to a vote. Would you rather have crazy out of control eyebrows you have to constantly maintain, or would you rather have to draw them on every day because you have none?

First I'm going to whine. Let me just say that I wasn't born with nothing. Mine start and have a little color, but then they go very thin and blonde, almost like fuzz. In fact, my mom, dad and both sisters don't have hardly any but my brothers both have friggin forests growing on their foreheads. And it doesn't help that i have my dad's fat forehead. thanks dad. So because the beginning of my eyebrow does have some color, I'm still stuck having to pluck part of them to keep the shape of that part of the brow. And it takes a good 15 minutes to draw on. Not to mention how careful i have to be to put on or take off clothes so they don't wipe off. And then there are the pet peeve questions about shaving them... idiots. And then the question, how do you get them so perfect?? Oh.. i don't know... i guess from having to DRAW THEM ON FOR THE LAST TEN PLUS YEARS!! Duh! Seriously, you should see some of the prehistoric pictures of my adolescence when I was still trying to figure out how to draw them on and making them look real. I won't lie.. they're kind of disturbing pictures.

Yet another PSA

2008-03-05T13:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I won't mention any names to protect the innocent since this was in no way an intended act to harm anyone. So someone decided to go to the car during Sunday School to go over a talk they would be giving in Sacrament (our church schedule is backwards so we end with Sacrament). Apparently during that hour, this person needed to relieve themselves of some seriously nasty gas. Hey, there was no one else in the car, no harm done, right?? Wrong!!! So after church I climb into the very same car with this person to go home. Almost instantly I jumped back out of the car. I can't even begin to explain the nastiness that had over an hour to ripen in the car before I met my fate. It was so potent I swear I could almost taste it. Sooo nasty! Even though this person did think to slightly crack the windows, the fresh oxygen that should have flowed in was no match to the Bog of Stench (anyone seen Labrynth? lol).
PSA - If you gotta let one rip, do NOT do it in an area that might cause it to linger longer and ripen.
PSA #2 - Don't take a chance on letting one rip on the OFF chance it won't stink.

Cat in the Bag

2008-02-26T09:54:00.001-08:00

You should know before reading this post that this is in fact a TRUE story. I couldn't have made up an uproariously funnier story if I tried. And if you know my mom, it's even funnier because I swear she constantly has the funniest things happen to her. I hope this post does it justice. Telling it in person is sooo much funnier.
My mom has a friend who, for whatever reason, feels it is her sole responsibility to give road kill animals a proper burial. Are you as creeped out as I am?? At least you'll probably never be in a car with her. My mom, however, isn't quite so lucky.
So my mom is riding along with her friend on their way to do some shopping when they come across a dead cat in the road. And you can bet her friend wasn't for any reason going to pass up that cat. After all, it needs a proper burial, right?? Eww. All they had was an empty Nordstrom bag, so that's where the dead cat is put and then placed in the trunk of the car.
So they continue on with their day and finish their shopping. They come to their car and pop open the trunk to put their shopping bags in. They pull out the infamous Nordstrom bag to load the other bags into the trunk when out of nowhere, this guys comes running by, and SNATCHES the Nordstrom bag for my mom's friend. They both stand there in disbelief of what the heck just happened. Boy is that guy going to be in for a surprise! lol!!! Okay, so I could end the story there with a good laugh, but that is not where the story ends...
Only minutes pass, and while still in shock of what just happened, my mom and her friend watch as the man continues to run off....... when out of nowhere..... he gets hit by a friggin CAR!!! No Joke, my friends. If you don't believe in Karma, take notes on what just occured. But wait, it gets even better...
So the ambulance shows up. The paramedics load him onto the gurny and as they are loading him into the ambulance, a bystander notices the Nordstrom bag and figuring it must belong to the guy getting loaded into the ambulance, calls out to the paramedic, "hey, I think this belongs to him." He hands it to the paramedic who then places it on the man on the gurny. And then they take him away. I wish I could see the look on that guys face when he opens that bag. LOL. Jokes on you pal.
I personally don't think that's where the story ends. To my knowledge, when someone is admitted to a hospital, all their belongings are placed into a clear bag. I would bet that guy would have some serious explaining to do!

Broke the Bank

2008-02-23T12:54:00.001-08:00

So we finally caved and broke the bank. That's right people. We finally bought Nathan a cell phone. What can I say, when we first got married, we were about as poor as every other mormon newly wed. It's been almost 5 years since he's had one and I've only had mine for two. Most of the time we're together anyway so a second phone seemed pointless. We realized though that for an extra $10 a month on top of what we're paying for my phone and our home phone, we could disconnect the home phone and get Nathan a cell. So why the heck not.
We also finally got cable a few months ago. We had some pretty awesome bunny ears going on for a loooong time. But hey, we've had the internet since day one practically so we weren't totally living in the stone age.

Road Rage

2008-02-23T12:26:00.000-08:00

Aubry is my 2 1/2 year old niece who is the funniest little girl I've ever met. She talks very well for her age and can easily hold a full on conversation with you with little effort on your part. So anyway, my mom (her grandma) and my sis-n-law (Aubry's mom) were running some errands at a store. Aubry was sitting in a push cart when a lady evidently got a little too close to her cart which led Aubry to exclaim, "Watch it lady! Don't you know how to drive??!" If only I could have been there. That's something she so totally picked up from grandma. Grandma's apparently got a bit of a road rage problem. lol!!!

Public Service Announcement

2008-02-22T13:23:00.001-08:00

Okay, before you read, this is in the strictest confidence because my hubs told me not to blab it to people, but sometimes things happen where the marriage confidentiality clause is completely null because I felt the public could benefit from knowing about the events that have taken place. I should also add that these offenses have never diminished my love for my husband or my perception of the wonderful man that he truly is. Here are the offenses, which actually occurred years apart from each other.

So there I am, half asleep minding my own business, when I suddenly felt something tap my face. It was big enough to wake me up and I said to my hubs, "I think something hit my face." I was a little freaked out because of bugs and spiders, etc. He was like "are you serious?" "Uh, yeah I'm serious." While trying to stiffle his laugh he says, "I just flicked a bugar." OH, MY, GOSH. I'm not quite yelling, but clearly aggitated at his admission. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????? IT'S ONE THING TO PICK YOUR NOSE AND FLICK (which I don't really care, hey I'll admit it too, I'm a nose picking flicker so whatever okay) BUT WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU FLICK IT MY WAY??" Gross.

PSA #1 - If you're gonna pick and flick, please make sure to flick in a direction opposite of anyone around you.

Next offense. I have this cute little plastic cup I like to use for my water with the disney princess's on it. Sometimes I leave it on the side table next to our couch. So anyway, I filled it up with water and after taking a few drinks I noticed some residue at the bottom of the cup that almost looked like mold. ew. "Honey, I think there's some mold in my cup." "Let me see," hubs replied. After inspecting he declared, "that's not mold." I could hear the laugh forming within him and I was like "What Is It Then?" "It's a bugar," he admitted bursting into laughter, "I didn't have anywhere else to put it." Too lazy to get up off the couch and get a tissue and evidentally just too messy or big or both to just roll and flick. He's not trying to pull pranks on me, he just doesn't think things through sometimes. He thought he'd remember to wash my cup before I had a chance to notice. He forgot, to my dismay.

PSA #2 - If you strike gold in your friggin nose, do us all a favor and get a tissue. Don't be lazy!

EVERYONE JUST CALM DOWN PLEASE

2008-02-22T13:20:00.001-08:00

So the other day I needed to go pick up a package at Fedex after they left me one of those door tags. So I get there and get in line. There's maybe 6 of us waiting patiently. There's two fedex employees behind the counter and one anounces to those of us waiting in line that we can hand in our door tags so she can go into the back to retrieve our packages. Not even a minute after, the other lady announces, almost shouting, "Okay people. Now I wouldn't recommend you all turning in your door tag all at once and to just remain in line. I don't want anyone to get upset when someone that was in line behind you gets their package before you." I WISH someone I know could have been there to hear her. Words cannot describe the hilarity of it. She was seriously practically shouting. To me it was as if she was saying "EVERYONE JUST CALM DOWN PLEASE" as if people were screaming at her. It was sooooo funny. There were SIX of us. I mean, c'mon, so I wait what, another 5 minutes? Clearly it's been an issue before. I would imagine it's more convenient for the employee fetching the packages to just go get them all at once. But dang, when they get back they won't be able to remember who was first in line thus creating pissed off customers. Maybe I'm a genius, but if it's really an issue and you want to be more efficient in retrieving packages, why not take the door tags one at a time and number them? Problem solved.

ATT vs. Verizon

2008-02-22T13:10:00.001-08:00

We've all seen those Verizon commercials...can you hear me now?? Okay, so we have verizon cell phones and ATT for our cable. The cable guy came over yesterday to work on our cable and his cell phone rang. He must have been having a hard time with the connection because he proceeded to go outside, and once out there he asked (no joke) "can you hear me now?". When he came back in he asked if we ever have trouble with reception in the house to which we replied, "no, not ever actually." He then asked what provider we have and we told him. We didn't even bother asking who his was. But venturing a guess under the assumption that he has a company cell phone, I'm going to guess ATT. Me and the hubs were dying of laughter after he left. It was like a Verizon commercial unfolding right before our eyes. I was just waiting for that verizon guy to pop out of somewhere and expose the masses of people that would normally be standing behind us, referred to as our verizon network. lol